I See The Light (Now That I See You)
by swanshero
Summary: Emma was twenty-six when she could finally see colors, after she had lost faith in it ever happening to her. She just wasn't quite expecting it to be him. AU where you only see black and white until you meet your soulmate.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: So I've been working on this fic for a really long while (since the summer) and I'm only now publishing it because it's gonna be a multi-chapter fic and I am notorious for not finishing fics and I wanted to wait until I had gotten most of it written out. So, I hope y'all enjoy :)**

Mary Margaret had been the first of Emma's friends to finally see colors.

It had been a random Friday afternoon and they were walking across campus to head back to their dorm room. It was their freshman year at NYU and Emma was already close to her roommate, spending nearly every moment together. They were just chatting away, complaining about an upcoming test for their English class (which was twice as important for Mary Margaret since she was an English major) when it happened. Mary Margaret had met eyes with a guy across the quad and just stopped walking. Emma had continued walking for a few more steps before she realized Mary Margaret wasn't beside her. But when Emma had turned around, all she could see was how Mary Margaret's face was so _alive_.

Instantly, Emma knew what had happened.

The black and white (well, more like a grayscale) of the world had faded away and Mary Margaret could finally see the bright and vibrant colors.

The guy who Mary Margaret had looked at had swiftly made his way over to Emma and Mary Margaret. He instantly introduced himself as David Nolan, first year politics student. Emma saw the look in Mary Margaret Margaret's eyes and knew that she, indeed, had met her one True Love.

Over the years, as life continued and Emma allowed more people into her life (which had shocked her more than anything else, really-a life in the foster system taught her not to allow people in _ever_, even her adoptive parents), more and more of her friends had met their soul mates. Ruby had met hers when she had to go to the ER after cutting herself on broken glass and Dr. Victor Whale had been her attending physician. Anna had met Kristoff when she went to a nearby animal shelter to find a dog and Kristoff was working the front desk. And well…Mulan's situation had been more complicated than Emma could've ever thought _soul mates_ could be.

But, Emma had been twenty-six when it finally happened to her. After she had lost faith in soul mates after the Neal debacle and lost faith in the idea that anyone would ever love her. After she had decided to shut her heart and lock it and swallow the key, never to allow anybody in.

And, well, she hadn't _exactly_ been expecting it with this one.

* * *

><p>Emma was going to tear her hair out of her head. Ruby and Mary Margaret were cooing over stupid little baby clothes at Target, which they had so <em>rudely<em> dragged Emma to after their usual Wednesday lunch. Both Ruby _and _Mary Margaret were pregnant, so literally all they discussed were babies and baby clothes and strollers and _Jesus Christ Emma wanted to kill herself_. But Emma guessed that that was going to happen when her two closest friends had met their soul mates and were stable in their lives, very much unlike Emma's current situation.

"_Ooohhh_, look at this one, Ruby," Mary Margaret said excitedly as she moved to the next aisle, looking over tiny onesies with little hearts on them.

Emma rolled her eyes so hard that she could feel them almost disconnect and roll across the floor. "Guys, why the hell are we here?"

"Oh come on, Emma," Mary Margaret whined as she picked up an onesie and held it over her barely-there baby bump. "This is fun."

Emma sighed and tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear, shuffling on her feet because she just wanted to _get the fuck out of there_. "Mary Margaret, you are literally three months pregnant. And Ruby"-Emma looked over at her other friend, who was holding little baby booties (alright, those were adorable)-"you literally just had a baby shower last week."

Ruby sighed as she looked down at the knitted booties. Emma secretly wondered what color they were and felt a flare of jealousy for those who could see the colors. "I know. But, _just look at them_."

Emma took a deep breath to focus on not rolling her eyes again. She didn't know what could set of Ruby's hormones, so she didn't want to tempt a breakdown in the middle of Target. "Fine."

Ruby giggled excitedly as she moved to stand beside Mary Margaret, who was now looking at the various blankets hanging up. They chatted about the beautiful blues and reds and yellows and Emma just wanted to get the hell outta there. She hated being constantly reminded that she didn't have the life that Mary Margaret and Ruby had, the life that Emma desperately wanted.

But she was too damn afraid to go for it, to unlock her heart and allow someone else in again.

"Oh Emma, how did that date go with Walsh?" Mary Margaret asked as she placed a blanket into the basket she was holding in her hands.

In Mary Margaret's language, that meant "_Do you see colors now?"_

Emma sighed and crossed her arms, leaning against the shelves. "I would've told you if I could see them now. So, what do you think?"

Mary Margaret looked at Emma with those fucking eyes and Emma could practically _feel_ the pity rolling off of Mary Margaret in waves. "It'll happen someday. Probably when you least expect it."

Emma couldn't help but roll her eyes at that stupid pep talk. God, she had heard it all before: you'll find them someday, it'll happen when you aren't expecting it, you just need to go out more often. Ugh, Emma was so sick of all the stupid reassurances.

"Yeah, okay," Emma said with sarcasm. Mary Margaret and Ruby picked up on it and both raised their eyebrows at her. "What? Spit it out if you wanna say it."

Mary Margaret sighed and looked over at Ruby, who then wobbled her seven-month pregnant self over to Emma, holding the booties that she had first picked up. Emma knew that she was about to get a real serious talk because Ruby had those eyes turned on her and _shit_ Emma hated it when Ruby turned serious.

Ruby pushed her long hair back over her shoulder. "Emma, you know it'll happen someday, right?"

Emma groaned, throwing her head back to stare at the tiled ceiling. "Oh my God, I am _not_ having this conversation right now."

Ruby sighed and placed her hand on Emma's shoulder, her nails painted some kind of lighter color, as the gray is lighter along her fingernails. "Emma, have faith. You know how I was before I met Victor. I slept with any guy who paid me any attention 'cause I didn't believe this would happen to me. I thought that that was all I was gonna get. And look at me now." Ruby broke into a wide, blinding smile. "I'm going to be a mother. I'm married to the man of my dreams, my _soul mate_, and I'm gonna be a mother. And I promise, it'll happen to you someday. You just have to be patient."

And Emma couldn't help but roll her eyes. She knew her friends were just trying to help, but Emma was just tired. Tired of their sickly sweet lives, tired of their unwavering belief that Emma would find her true love, tired of _all of it_.

"On that note, I'm gonna head out," Emma announced, clasping her hands together. "Have fun shopping for your babies and having fun with your soul mates."

Ruby sighed as Emma turned away to walk back out of the store. "Emma."

Emma ignored her friend's pleas and continued to march toward the exit. She tried to ignore the niggling feeling in the back of her mind that she shouldn't be mean to them, that they're were telling the truth. But she was just too done with the whole stupid idea of stupid soul mates. Ugh, it was just so stupid.

Emma marched out of the Target with purpose, taking out her wallet and keys as she searched for a free cab. And of course, right outside of the store, there were zero, given that it was a Wednesday at lunch time in the Bronx. _And_ it was a humid early July day.

_Fuck._

Emma huffed as she walked down the crowded streets, avoiding the rude businessmen on their lunch breaks who _clearly_ were not paying attention to where they were walking. She just wished that her fucking life was easier. She was underemployed as a waitress at two different restaurants (which is _not_ what she wanted to do with her music degree), she lived in a small ass studio apartment that she could barely afford, and she had zero love life. Well, she had plenty of one-night-stands, but she would always sneak out at the first morning light. That way, she never had to open her heart and allow disappointment and heartbreak back in.

She didn't want a repeat of Neal.

Emma looked up from the sidewalk and could see a barrage of paparazzi chasing down some Hollywood starlet. Emma rolled her eyes, not even excited about the fact that some celebrity was just down the street from her. She lived in New York City, for fuck's sake; she always had random celebrity encounters. Actually, just the other day, she spotted Lindsay Lohan hailing a taxi. So, she didn't really acknowledge that paparazzi were coming closer and closer and not paying attention to anything.

Well, until one of the paparazzi in a rush to get a photograph backed into her and knocked her over, sending her falling onto the dirty concrete sidewalk.

"Bloody hell, mates. Could you pay attention?" Emma heard a somewhat familiar accent as she slowly began to turn onto her knees to get back up.

She saw a pair of motorcycle boots appear in her vision and then a pair of rough, callused hands gripped onto her hands. Emma looked up to see who the celebrity was that was helping her up and _holy shit_.

The very first color Emma Swan ever saw was blue.

Emma gasped audibly as she took in the face of the infamous Killian Jones, heartthrob actor and most recent guest in Emma's fantasies. And _God_, the way he was looking at her. It was as if she lit up the stars at night and was the reason for the sun and the moon. So, Emma naturally did what any other normal girl would do if she just found out her soul mate was the very man she dreamed about quite often.

She stood up, turned on her feet, and booked it the hell outta there.

And if she heard him calling for her, she just ignored it.


	2. Chapter 2

Killian Jones never asked to be in the spotlight. He was thrust into it only two years ago, when he was just walking down the streets of New York City and had come across a casting director. Apparently, he had 'the look' she was looking for, for some random new show that she was hired to cast. Killian had been down on his luck, so he said yes, unknowingly changing his entire life.

Needless to say, Killian got the part as one of the lead guys in this new show, which was a modern reinterpretation of _Peter Pan_, which he played James Hook. After the pilot episode had broken records upon records, he was shot into Hollywood stardom. He couldn't go down the block from his shoddy studio apartment in the Bronx without being bombarded by crazed fans. He had resorted to his brother picking up groceries for him and when he couldn't do it, Killian would toss on a hoodie and leave the hood up so he wouldn't be recognized.

But over the years, he had grown used to the life that he had been shoved into. Being chased down by fans and paparazzi was just something he saw as a part of the life. He couldn't keep hiding himself away-that wasn't a way to live. So he embraced it. He signed autographs, allowed the paparazzi to follow him, and he bought himself an Upper West Side apartment with a doorman. He didn't like that he no longer had any privacy, but the money sure helped.

Especially since he was almost homeless when luck fell on his doorstep.

But, even with all of the fame and money that he had, he just wanted one thing, the same thing that he had looked for his entire life: his soul mate.

Killian was a hopeless romantic. Even after all of the pain and despair he had been through with Milah, he still wanted to find the one for him. The one that would allow him to see the colors of the world, instead of the dull grays. He wanted to see the colors of the ocean and of the forests, the colors of spring and autumn, and the colors of the eyes of his true love.

He always imagined she would have green eyes.

The same color his mother had, according to Liam.

So when the paparazzi knocked over a woman while they were barraging him on the sidewalk as he walked through his old neighborhood, he never expected that when she looked up at him as he helped her off of the dirty ground, that the very first color he would see would be green.

He could see the jade of her eyes, the gold of her flowing hair, the pink of her plump lips. He didn't know how he knew the colors-maybe his mind had been hardwired to know the colors of his soul mate. And now, he could see _everything_: the yellow of the sun, the bright blue of the sky, the gray of the sidewalk. _God_, he felt so alive in this moment, now that he had found the one he was meant to be with.

But in just the second he looked into her eyes, he saw walls slam up to keep him out.

She ran away before he could even introduce himself to her, even if he was sure that she knew who he was.

Killian stood from the sidewalk, the paparazzi continuing to shoot pictures of him. "Wait, love!"

But she continued to run away, back the way she came. Of all the times he imagined of how he would meet his soul mate, this was _not_ one of the scenarios he thought of. Killian looked down at the sidewalk and saw a paisley wallet that the woman must've dropped when she fell and that she had forgotten about in her haste to get away from him. He picked up the wallet from the ground and as he stood, he looked at the clear pocket facing him, which held her driver's license.

Emma Swan.

Her name was Emma Swan.

Killian had only seen her for a second before she ran off, but _God_ did that name fit that beautiful woman.

"Killian! Over here!" The paparazzi called to him and in that moment, Killian just couldn't deal with them. He had just met his soul mate and she ran-_ran_-away. He looked over the driver's license again, seeing that she didn't live all too far from here, but he didn't know what to do with it.

He wanted to see her again. He already felt the _need_ to see her again. But he saw the panic in her eyes when she saw the colors too. She was probably bloody terrified. Killian didn't know if he should go to the apartment listed on the license or if he should just send someone to give it back to her. If she was truly that scared of this-_of him_-then he couldn't bear the thought of scaring her again by showing up at her door.

He needed to talk to Liam. Liam would know what to do.

Killian began to march away, fishing his phone from his pocket from the skinny jeans his publicist insisted that he started wearing, and the paparazzi continued to follow him. The yelling and shouting continued as the phone began to ring over the line.

Killian looked over his shoulder and shouted, "Fuck off!" as he continued down the street. He knew he wouldn't hear the end of it from his publicist, but he really couldn't give a shit about it. He just met his soul mate and she _ran_.

"What is it, little brother?" Liam asked, grumbling over the line.

Killian rolled his eyes. "I need to talk to you. Are you at your apartment?"

Liam sighed. "Yes, but do I have to remind you that I have a newborn baby and I haven't slept a lick since she was born?"

"You'll take a nap after I'm done," Killian responded as he raised his hand to hail a cab (_wow, they were a ghastly yellow_). "I'll be there in a few minutes."

"Fine, you prat," Liam groaned. "But we need to be quiet. The baby and Jenny are asleep."

"Of course. See you soon, brother," Killian said as he slid into the cab and told him Liam's address.

As the cabbie drove through the busy streets during lunchtime, Killian took the time to just stare at every little thing he drove by. He could see the red, yellow and green of the traffic lights, the black of the business suits of people passing by, and the browns of the apartment buildings. He had no idea that this was what he was missing, that this was exactly what Liam had been seeing ever since he met his soul mate when he was seventeen years old.

When Liam met Jenny, it was his first day of high school in America. Killian was just a wee lad-only seven years old-and they had only just moved to America to live with their aunt after their mother's untimely passing. Well, not quite untimely, since she had gotten sick only a year after Killian was born. Killian still remembered when Liam came home from school that day, picking him up and twirling around excitedly with Killian in his arms. He told Killian and their Aunt Elizabeth all about the girl that made him see colors: her flaming red hair, her intense green eyes, the little freckles across her nose and cheeks.

It was that day, when they looked over pictures of their mother, that Liam said that her eyes were green.

And that was the day that Killian began imagining what his soul mate would look like.

The cab pulled up to the curb outside of the tall apartment building that Liam lived in with his wife and newborn daughter. Killian tossed cash at the cabbie and hurriedly walked up the front steps 'cause he just needed his brother's advice right now. He wanted to see this Emma Swan again-_needed_ to see her-but _God_ she was full of pure panic when she saw the colors after looking at him.

Killian didn't waste any time walking into the apartment building, ignoring all the long stares and the hushed whispers of whoever was in the front atrium. Normally, he'd be fine with it-he actually kinda liked it-but right now, he just was _not_ in the mood. He repeatedly pressed the up button for the elevators before someone asked him for a picture or an autograph, which he knew would be coming after glancing over at a group of teenage girls who were giggling incessantly.

Thankfully, the elevator doors swung open after the hundredth time of Killian pressing the button. He didn't waste any time stepping into the elevator and pressing the button for the third floor. Killian paced the floor of the elevator as it slowly made its way up the shaft, figuring out how the hell he was going to explain to his brother that he met his true love and _she ran away_.

Killian sighed as he exited the elevator when the doors swung open. He took slow and steady steps toward the apartment door, trying to gather his scrambled thoughts. The only sounds in the hallway as he walked along the hardwood floors were the clacking of his boots and his slow breathing. _Fuck_, he had no idea how to even ask Liam for his advice. Killian took a deep breath before he stopped in front of apartment 305 and turned the knob, walking into the unlocked apartment.

"Is that my famous brother?" Liam called from the open kitchen to the left of the front door. Liam looked up and saw Killian, who was standing awkwardly by the door. Liam furrowed his eyebrows as he stood up straight by the sink, where he was washing dishes. "What's wrong?"

Killian took three long strides over to his brother and gripped him in a tight hug. After a short moment of Liam being completely surprised by the sudden show of affection, Liam returned the hug, patting him on the back.

"What's wrong?" Killian heard Jenny's familiar voice from the hallway, which led to the two bedrooms of the apartment.

Killian released Liam and looked over his shoulder to see the frizzy hair Jenny always had whenever she slept. But now he could see the auburn waves and the green eyes Liam was so fond of the very first day they met. But her green eyes paled in comparison to the jade ones of Emma Swan. Killian looked back to his brother, whose eyebrows were still furrowed in concern.

"I can see," Killian said and Liam's eyebrows shot up. "I can see the colors now."

"Holy shit," Jenny and Liam said at the same time (_wow they really were soul mates_).

"Wait, when?" Liam asked, clasping his hand on Killian's shoulder in excitement.

"Not a minute before I called you," Killian responded and let out a breath as he looked down at the tiled flooring of the kitchen.

"But that's not why you're here," Jenny spoke up as she walked over to the kitchen to stand beside Killian. She had seen Killian through every awkward moment in his life and every painful moment. Jenny was always the person he turned to for advice if Liam didn't know what to say. "Something happened."

Killian sighed as he leaned against the granite counters behind him, crossing his arms over his chest. "The fucking paparazzi pushed her over. So, I helped her up. As soon as she saw me, she just bolted."

"Hmmm," Liam mumbled as he leaned against the island across from Killian, resting his palms on the island counter. "Maybe it was because it was you. You are very famous, Killy."

Killian rolled his eyes at the dumb nickname. "Oh, bugger off, you git."

"Chill, you two," Jenny said, placing her hands on her hips. "God, it's like you two are some old married couple." Jenny looked over at Killian, a stray curl falling over her pale face. "Why did she run?"

Killian shrugged as he looked back down at the tiles. "All I know is that when she saw me, I saw her panic. She was absolutely terrified. I could see it in her eyes. _God_, she had the most bloody gorgeous jade eyes."

"Well, how do we find her?" Liam asked, matching Killian's stance and crossing his arms over his chest.

Killian sighed as he reached into his back pocket, fishing out the wallet Emma had dropped. "When she fell, she dropped this." Killian held the wallet up for Jenny and Liam to see, looking back up from the tiles. "And in her haste to get away, she didn't grab it."

"Well, what the bloody hell are you here for, then?" Liam griped, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Because she was bloody terrified when she saw me!" Killian said exasperatedly, continuing to hold the wallet in his hand. "I don't want to scare my damn soul mate by showing up at her apartment!"

Jenny sighed, pushing her hair out of her face, taking the wallet from Killian's hands to look it over. "Killian, you should go see her." Killian opened his mouth to argue, but Jenny held up her perfectly polished hand, looking at her brother-in-law. "I know she panicked. I know she was scared. But I was too. I was so scared when I met Liam. I don't think he ever told you this, but when we met each other in class, I actually ran out of the classroom and into the girl's bathroom. He came after me and we talked."

Killian had never heard that part of the story. Liam always made their meet cute out to be something straight out of a fairytale. Killian glanced over at Liam, who nodded subtly at him. Jenny was telling the truth.

"Killian, you have to see her," Jenny continued and Killian looked back at his sister-in-law. "Not only to return her wallet, but you also need to see her because you two have to talk about this. This part is the most important part of finding your soul mate. You gotta talk things out."

Killian took a deep breath as he looked up at the ceiling, sealing his fate. "Okay. Okay. I will. I'll go tonight."

* * *

><p><em>Oh my God.<em>

_Oh my _fucking_ God._

Emma couldn't believe this. She couldn't believe _anything_ right now. There was no way she had just found her soul mate and it was _fucking Killian Jones_. Nope, that didn't happen. _Holy fucking shit, it did_.

And Emma did what she did best: she ran. From the time she first could, she ran from every single problem she faced: she ran from abusive foster parents, she ran from the cops whenever she committed a crime, she ran after what Neal had done to her. So, needless to say, she ran from her _soul mate_, someone she just couldn't face. Not now, not ever.

As she continued to run down the busy sidewalk, she suddenly realized that she had lost her wallet. Emma remembered dropping it when the paparazzi knocked her over and in her haste to get the fuck away from _Killian Jones_, she must've left it behind.

Well, now she had to waste time cancelling everything in that wallet and buying a new one and _God she did not have the time nor money for this._

Because of this stupid new revelation, Emma couldn't get a cab to get back to her apartment, which was the only place she wanted to be right now so she could scream and yell and cry to her heart's content because _why did this have to happen to her_. Emma gathered her thoughts as she ran, ignoring judgmental looks from passers-by, and realized that she needed to call one of her friends. She wasn't about to call Mary Margaret or Ruby; they'd just be excited and cheerful and not understand why Emma was so upset about this.

But then Emma remembered the perfect person to call.

Emma stopped running for the first time in what felt like hours as she grabbed her cell phone from her front pocket. She dialed the familiar number and just prayed that her friend wasn't working. And her prayers were answered when Henry picked up the phone after the third ring.

"Hey, Emma," Henry said cheerily.

"Henry," Emma said, her voice breaking on the last syllable.

Emma heard the creaking of Henry's mattress in the background. "What's wrong?"

"I need you to come get me," Emma responded, feeling the breakdown coming, full speed ahead.

"Where are you?" Henry asked and Emma could hear her shuffling around for his shoes.

Emma looked around at the buildings around her for addresses. She finally found one at a building across the street from her and she told Henry the address and to just _hurry._ Henry hung up without another word and promised that he would be there in five minutes. Henry's relaxing voice helped Emma take soothing breaths and rethink about what the hell she was supposed to do now that she found 'The One,' especially since he was a fucking celebrity who had millions of girls following him around and would _kill_ Emma the moment it was revealed that she was his soul mate.

_God_, her friends were gonna have a laugh about this.

And _God_, how was she gonna explain this to anybody?

As Emma waited for Henry to be her knight in shining armor, she looked at everyone around her; she looked at those hailing cabs, walking while on their phone, those who were completely unaware that the entire world was different to one of them. They were in their own worlds and had no idea that Emma was having an existential crisis over something that any one of them would've been happy to have. Emma Swan wasn't supposed to have a soul mate-she spent her entire life believing that she was better off alone, being _told_ that she was better off alone-and there she was, seeing the colors that the world offered, all because of a chance encounter with Killian fucking Jones.

_God_, what was her life?

"Emma!" Henry's voice called out from the busy street.

Emma twisted her head to the left and saw Henry's red Prius, standing out against the black town cars and obnoxiously yellow taxis. Emma rushed over to the car, pushing her way through the pedestrians who were in her way, and sliding into the passenger seat of the car. She could tell that Henry wanted to ask her about what the hell was happening, but he was polite enough to not ask Emma just yet about what triggered her break.

"Just take me home," Emma whispered, feeling the tears beginning to build behind her eyes as she propped her elbows on her knees and dropped her face into her hands.

"Okay," Henry said simply, swiftly turning the car back into the traffic filling the Bronx streets.

God, with this traffic, Emma knew they wouldn't make it home for at least a half hour, even if she didn't live all that far from here. Emma knew she wouldn't be able to hold herself together for that long, given that her tears were already beginning to spill over, trailing down her cheeks as she sniffled into the quiet car.

"Emma, talk to me," Henry said soothingly, glancing over at Emma with his big brown eyes.

Emma sniffled again and looked over to one of her closest friends, a guy that she had befriended during one of the worst periods in her life and had remained there when so many others left. "Henry, the cabs are yellow."

At first Henry furrowed his eyebrows at the strange statement. But then he realized what she was saying-she was _naming colors_. "_Holy shit._"

Emma nibbled on her bottom lip as she looked out the windshield, staring at the slow-moving traffic. "The cabs are yellow, the town cars are black, your hair is brown, your car is red and-" Emma dropped her head back into her hands, scratching her scalp with her long fingernails. Emma took a deep breath and continued. "He had the bluest eyes."

"Do I even need to ask about what happened afterwards?" Henry asked and Emma laughed wryly. Henry knew Emma better than she knew herself. Henry smiled wryly at her as he finally turned right at the intersection, narrowly missing an idiot pedestrian who decided to step into the street. "Idiot. Okay so you ran. Did you at least talk to him?"

Emma relaxed back in the seat and wiped away her tears. "No. I just ran."

"What happened?" Henry asked eagerly. For as long as Emma had known Henry, he had been obsessed with the aspect of soul mates, always wondering when he would meet his. He's one of Emma's few friends that still could see black and white-a group that Emma had gladly been a part of.

Emma sighed. "I fell over and he helped me up. When I looked up, that's when everything changed." Emma's voice grew wistful as she said, "The very first color I saw was blue, with flecks of silver. _God_, just how I imagined oceans would look."

"What's his name?" Henry asked as he turned right again at the next intersection.

Emma felt her face flush as she looked down at her lap. "Well…that is-uh-complicated."

"Soul mates aren't complicated."

Emma rolled her eyes at Henry's simple statement. If anything, soul mates were the definition of complicated.

"Yeah, Mulan would disagree with that," Emma responded as she looked back out the windshield, bringing up her friend who had a soul mate who already had one of her own.

"So, what's his name?" Henry asked again, glancing over for just a moment. God, Emma could see the excitement in his eyes. Henry was toning it down for her sake, since he knew all too well about how this was seriously throwing Emma for a loop.

"You aren't going to believe me," Emma replied, chipping at her already-chipped fingernail polish.

Henry furrowed his eyebrows as he continued to drive down the street. "What the hell does that mean?"

"Just-I'll explain everything when we get back to my apartment, where I can rightfully break down sobbing, alright?" Emma snapped, running her fingers through her hair.

Emma could tell that Henry wanted to respond with something, but she was thankful that he held his tongue. Emma knew that it probably was going to be something along the lines of 'you should be happy' or 'this is so exciting and you shouldn't be scared of it.' But Henry knew that she had heard all of those lines before: from Ruby, from Mary Margaret, and even from himself.

Emma sighed in relief when Henry pulled into a parking spot on the street, reserved for the apartment building they both lived in. Emma walked briskly beside Henry, already beginning to feel the tears welling in her eyes again and just _needing_ to get into her apartment right fucking now. She never imagined as a little girl that when she first met her soul mate, that she would run away and want to sob her eyes out.

But that was before Emma was taught the cruel reality of the world.

As Henry and Emma stepped into the elevator, she could feel tears beginning to spill over onto her cheeks. God, she could _feel_ the break coming, but these elevators were notorious of being incredibly slow and she was _not_ about to start crying in a fucking elevator, especially since there was an elderly woman standing in front of her.

Henry reached for Emma's hand, slowly stroking his thumb against Emma's hand to try to keep her calm. Emma began taking slow and deep breaths as the elevator crawled up to the eighth floor, where Emma resided. When the doors swung open, Emma had to wait a moment as the elderly woman in front of her walked slowly onto the floor and Emma had to bite her lip to focus on not allowing a sob to come out.

Today was just not her day.

Once the woman finally exited the elevator, thankfully turning to the left instead of the right, Emma almost ran off of the lift, her eyesight blurring with her unshed tears. Emma could hear Henry following her closely, to the point where he almost ran into her when Emma had to stop at her apartment door, number 815. It took her a moment longer than it usually took to slip her key into the lock and flip the tumblers, but her eyesight was blurring more and more as the seconds ticked by.

Finally, Emma got the key into the lock and unlocked the deadbolt. She immediately swung the door open, pulling her key out of the lock, and marched down the long hallway that led to her bathroom and small studio apartment, allowing the tears to finally trail down her cheeks. Emma tried to suppress the sob that wanted to come out, but she couldn't do it. She didn't have the strength to hold it back anymore.

And so she wept.

And wept.

And wept.

Henry pulled Emma into his arms and stroked her back, not even saying a single word, just allowing Emma to cry and cry and cry onto his shoulder. Emma was thankful that Henry wasn't trying to assure her that everything was okay and that everything would work out; she just needed to cry for a while. And besides, Emma knew that it wouldn't be alright. Even if this was something Emma had always wanted, she was too terrified to reach out and grab it, even if it was helping her up from rock bottom.

Emma's crying slowed, so she pulled away from Henry, wiping her now sore eyes free from the tears. Henry looked down at Emma with the most pitiful expression and Emma rolled her eyes.

"Don't fucking look at me like that, Henry," Emma grumbled out, perching herself on the corner of her bed.

Henry sighed and ran his fingers through his shaggy hair, looking over at Emma. "You know this is supposed to be a good thing, right?"

Emma rolled her eyes again, not even caring that it made her eyes hurt even more. "I don't see it that way and you know that."

"If you would just open your eyes-"

"Don't _fucking_ start with that, Henry," Emma snapped, looking up at her worrisome friend. "You know how I feel about this soul mate bull shit."

"Yes, I know," Henry responded, crossing his arms over his chest and leaning forward just an inch. "I know that you get jealous whenever you see Ruby or Mary Margaret with Victor or David. I know that as much as you want to deny it, you want it more than anything else in this entire world. You are just too scared to go for it because of your past."

Emma clenched her jaw and dropped her gaze to the floor, unable to continue to look at Henry's intense gaze any longer. "Because it won't work. Just like how it didn't work with Neal. Just like how it didn't work with the families I was sent to. It never works."

"Emma Swan, _this is your soul mate_!" Henry exclaimed and Emma looked back up at him, who now had his hands perched on his hips. "It _will_ work out because the universe has made it that way! It _has_ to work out."

"Life isn't that simple, Henry," Emma said simply, rubbing her tired eyes. "I know it better than most. It won't work because that's how life fucking is."

Emma had been taught that time and time again. Every time she was sent to a new family, she held onto an inkling of hope that she would stay there, that they'd be different. But it was always quickly dashed by an abusive foster father or the parents just simply not caring about her, only wanting the monthly check for looking after her. She'd learned after the fifth house she was bounced out of that life didn't care that she was eight or alone or that all she wanted was a family-life just didn't care about her. Life told her that nobody cared for her, other than the few friends she had, and that she didn't deserve the unwavering love of a soul mate.

Life told her that she didn't deserve a soul mate. And after Neal, Emma completely believed it.

This time, Henry rolled his eyes. "You only think it won't work out because you don't _believe_."

"God, you are just as bad at Mary Margaret," Emma mumbled, sighing deeply. "I'm done talking about this with you because you _clearly_ don't get it."

Henry sighed. "Fine. At least tell me who the guy was."

Emma nibbled on her bottom lip as she looked up at her friend. "Well…uh-well-"

"Don't you dare say 'it's complicated' again," Henry interrupted, holding a finger to Emma's face.

Emma sighed and decided that she couldn't keep it a secret forever. She mumbled out, "Killian Jones."

"What did you say?" Henry asked, genuinely meaning it since Emma said the name under her breath.

Emma cleared her throat and looked up at Henry. "Killian Jones."

Henry's jaw dropped. He didn't say a single thing for at least a minute, during which Emma shifted uncomfortably on her bed. Henry just kept staring at her, narrowing his eyes as if he was trying to discern if it was the truth or a lie.

"I can't tell if you're messing with me or not," Henry finally said, his eyes remaining narrowed.

Emma opened her mouth to assure Henry that her soul mate was indeed the man she had dreams of at night and was strewn all across the tabloids, but she was interrupted by a knock on her front door. Emma furrowed her eyebrows as she glanced up at Henry, who seemed just as curious. Emma took a deep breath as she slowly raised herself from the bed, walking toward the archway that led to the long hallway and turned right to walk down the hall. Emma itched the back of her head as she walked, wondering who the hell it could be. She didn't have plans and she didn't have work until five, so she knew it couldn't have been her boss (which had happened before-after a particularly rough night of drinking and having an eight am shift).

But when she turned the knob and opened the door, she _really_ should've been expecting it.

God, today _really_ wasn't her day.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Sorry this took so long! I'm still nowhere near finishing the current chapter I'm writing, but I know it's probably gonna be a while before I finish it, so I thought I might as well post this. It isn't all that long, so I may post the next chapter sooner rather than later. Thanks for all of the reviews and follows and favorites! You guys make my day! And happy new year :)**

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><p>Killian knew that this was going to be a bad idea. He'd seen it all over her face when she ran that she wanted <em>nothing<em> to do with him. But he had to return her wallet to her and, well, they really needed to talk. Because Killian wanted this-wanted to at least _try_-and he couldn't just give up on it because she ran. He wasn't the kind of guy to just leave when the going got tough; his relationship with Milah was a testament to that.

No, he wasn't going to think of his past, of his pain. Not when he's standing at the doorstep of his soul mate's apartment.

So, Killian took a deep breath as he stood in front of the door to apartment 815. He'd been standing there for the past few minutes, trying to gather the courage to face Emma Swan again. He kept his hood up to avoid any stares from any passers-by, which were only few and far between. He took his fiftieth deep breath and with closed eyes, Killian knocked twice on the door.

As he waited with bated breath, Killian wiped his sweaty palms on his jeans and figured out how the hell Emma Swan and he were going to talk this out. For the few seconds he saw her and the utter panic in her eyes, Killian knew that this wasn't going to be easy. He just knew that she was going to fight this. But, Killian was going to fight just as hard for this. Dammit, he'd only seen her for a second, but he was already wrapped around her finger. But that didn't surprise him. She _was_ his soul mate.

And dammit, did he feel like a twelve-year-old boy talking to his crush for the first time, as he waited for Emma Swan to answer the door.

Killian heard shuffling on the opposite side of the door, which made his heart quicken. He'd only seen a glimpse of Emma Swan, but she already had a hold on him. Killian took the wallet out from his pocket of his leather jacket, worn over the thin hoodie, and held it in his hands as he heard the door creak open.

And _bloody hell_, she was more beautiful than he remembered.

And for a quick moment, she looked almost as happy to see him as he was for her.

But then, the panic seeped back into her eyes (_God, those bloody beautiful jade eyes_). "Hi."

Killian smiled weakly and held up her wallet. "You dropped this in your haste to run away."

Emma reached out and swiftly grabbed it from Killian, making sure to not touch his fingers. "Thanks."

Killian gulped when he saw the fear in her eyes. "Could we talk, Emma?"

Emma nibbled on her bottom lip and _God_ that did dishonorable things to his mind. Emma opened her mouth to indubitably deny the request, but a voice responded before she could. "Yes, you can."

Killian looked past Emma and saw a tall, rather gangly, man with a mop of dark brown hair on his head. The man walked up to Emma and Killian, who then offered a hand for Killian to shake. "Henry Mills. Emma's best friend."

Killian smiled in response as he took this man's-Henry's-hand and shook it firmly. "And I suppose I don't have to really introduce myself."

Henry chuckled as he released Killian's hand, tucking his hands into his front pockets. "When Emma said it was you, I didn't know whether she was lying to me or not. Guess I shouldn't have questioned it. But I gotta admit, when your best friend says her soul mate is a world famous actor, it's natural to doubt it slightly." Henry looked back to Emma, to whom he pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead. "I'll be at my place if you need me."

Henry looked back to Killian, nodded once, and walked back toward the elevators. Killian looked back to Emma, who was clearly nervous, and smiled gently to her as to try to calm her nerves. Emma cleared her throat and stepped away from the door, allowing Killian to walk into the apartment. Killian slowly stepped into the apartment, drawing down his hood and scratching that spot behind his ear as he waited for Emma to lead him. He heard the gentle huff as Emma walked around him, being extra careful to not touch him (which wasn't at all curious to Killian), and led him through the archway that opened the studio apartment to him. Killian looked all around him and felt a pang of nostalgia, since this apartment looked exactly like his apartment before he hit it big: the fridge awkwardly placed outside of the small kitchen, the small bathroom across from the fridge and the very small window overlooking the busy street below from beside the bathroom door. Hell, even the queen-sized bed pushed into the far corner of the room was exactly like his old apartment.

"Lemme guess: you feel bad that this is where I live and oh you wish to whisk me away to make my life better," Emma stated simply, looking at Killian with dead eyes. He knew better than to trust her empty demeanor; he'd seen too much of her fearful stares to trust her current look.

"Not at all," Killian responded, walking over to the window and looking out at the fire escape. "Just thinking that this place reminds me of my old apartment."

"Ah, right. Before you _hit it big_," Emma grumbled out and Killian furrowed his eyebrows as he turned back to face her. "I bet this is a big change from your Upper East Side apartment."

Killian sighed and stuck his hands into his jacket pockets. "I know this is a lot but we need to talk about this, love."

Emma's jaw visibly tightened and Killian knew that he probably hit a nerve. "I'm not your _love_. And we don't have to talk about anything."

_Bloody hell_, this was gonna be more difficult than Killian thought it would be.

"Sorry, but we do," Killian replied, making sure as to not use any more nicknames. "You know that just as well as I do. This is important."

Emma crossed her arms over her chest. "I don't have to discuss shit. Just because we bumped into each other on the street and _boom_ we could see colors, does not mean I owe you anything. I doubt you would even want to spend your life with someone who can barely even afford this shit hole."

Killian took a step forward, taking his hands out from his pockets. God, this was _really_ not going how he thought it would. "You don't know me, Emma Swan. I'm saying that we should get to know each other because this is our lot in life now. You are my soul mate and that isn't gonna change."

"But that doesn't mean I want this," Emma replied and Killian could hear the change in her voice, like she was trying to convince herself of that. Emma looked up at Killian with those jade eyes that Killian was already in love with and he could see the pain behind them. Bloody hell, he already wanted to kill whoever did that to this beautiful, brilliant woman that he had only met a few hours ago but was already completely wrapped around her finger. "I can't do this. I am not capable of this."

Killian's heart broke at the way Emma said that. He heard the break in her voice, the utter despair and heartache in her tone. Killian already wanted to do just what she had taunted him about not a few minutes earlier-whisk her away from her problems. Now he saw how soul mates truly worked-that from the very first moment they met, all he wanted to do was to make her happy and fix all her issues. But Killian was getting the idea that Emma Swan would take a bit more work than that.

"Please, Swan," Killian asked, not even thinking twice about the nickname that slipped out (God, he already had a nickname for her). "Give this a chance. I'm not like whoever hurt you in the past."

And _shit,_ Killian should _not_ have said that because now, Emma was shooting daggers at him and her jaw was clenched tightly and there was no way he was going to get any further.

"Where do you get off on telling me that?!" Emma said loudly, her pain now disguised as anger and Killian's careless words. "You said that I don't know you. Well, you have _no _idea about what I've been through! You don't get to say that because time and time again, all throughout my life, I've been told that every-fucking-body is the same! That they'll all fucking let you down and break your heart and that you might as well not even let anybody in! Don't you fucking tell me that you're different because I know better than to trust anybody who says that! Because they all say that and then I'm the only one left in the end, picking up the pieces of my own broken heart because nobody is there to help."

Killian wanted to say something, that he understood heartbreak (don't fucking think about Milah), but everything he wanted to say wouldn't have even come close to what Emma needed to hear-_deserved_ to hear. From the first time he saw her and could see the jade of her eyes and the gold of her hair, he didn't want to leave her side. But now, it was even more important for Killian to fight for this-for her-because she needed to know that he wasn't going to give up.

"Killian, I'm sure you're a great guy, but you'd be better off without me," Emma responded, tucking a stray hair behind her ear. Killian wanted to reach for her, to wrap his arms around her and to soothe her for the rest of their lives. But, he knew that wouldn't be wise. "I don't think I'd be any good for you or for your career or your future. I think you should go."

"Emma, please," Killian pleaded, wanting to move forward but unable to. He didn't want to scare her more than she already was.

Emma shook her head and Killian's heart broke at the unshed tears in her eyes. "Please, Killian."

Killian sighed and itched the back of his neck, avoiding Emma's gaze. He didn't want to give up on her. He _couldn't _give up, because he wasn't that kind of man. But looking at Emma's unwavering eyes (the ones that were holding the unshed tears of her pain), he could tell that she truly wanted him to leave. But no, this didn't mean he would give up on her. He hadn't given up on Milah, when everything told him to because she was a married woman and it was _wrong_. It was unlike him to give up on anybody and his _soul mate_ was one he just couldn't change that for.

He was going to fight.

But he knew that Emma needed space.

So, without a word, Killian Jones left Emma Swan's apartment. And well, if he heard the sobbing coming from the apartment as he walked down the hallway, his heart shattered for the millionth time that day.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: sorry for the long wait! I finally finished the chapter I was currently working on (it was like pulling teeth) so here's the new chapter.**

**The song I mention in this chapter is the piano version of Chandelier by Sia (I can't attach the link to this since I either can't figure out how or there isn't a way to). But if you go to my tumblr and look at my music, it's the very first link in the tag. So, yeah sorry about that.**

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><p><em>You've been mourning for the past three days, Killy. Let's go out. I can't stand looking at your brooding face anymore.<em>

Killian had rolled his eyes at Liam's statement over the phone, but he had to agree. Killian had so much as left his apartment after the disastrous conversation with Emma three days earlier. He was lucky that shooting for the show didn't start back up for another two weeks, otherwise he would've had to be out and about and completely out of it as he was shooting. No doubt that Cora would've yelled at him about that.

So, Killian got dressed in his favorite jeans, a white t-shirt, and his signature black leather jacket. He rode a cab over to his brother's apartment and deftly made his way through the lobby, thankful that nobody was down there to recognize him; he was _not_ in the mood to deal with autograph seekers or paparazzi. He had hid himself away in his apartment ever since the conversation with Emma and he was still not entirely up to being out in public.

Killian huffed as he rode the elevator up to the third floor and marched down the hallway, just as he did three days ago when his life first changed. He didn't bother knocking on the apartment door, knowing that Liam would be waiting for him already. As Killian entered the apartment, he saw Jenny and his little niece, Amelia (named after Killian and Liam's mother, who had left the world too soon), sitting on the couch of the living area.

Jenny looked over at Killian when she heard the door open, her flaming red hair up in a messy bun. Jenny smiled as she rocked her baby daughter in her arms. "Hey there."

Killian furrowed his eyebrows as he walked across the hardwood floors, past the kitchen, and reached the living area. "Where's my brother?"

"Amelia spat up on his shirt, so he's changing," Jenny responded with a laugh bubbling up and a smile.

Killian snorted as he walked around Jenny and sat down beside her, looking down at his precious niece. "That's a good girl. Make your daddy pay for pulling me out of my apartment to spend some time at a stupid bar."

"Oy!" Liam shouted from the bedroom and Jenny and Killian snickered together. "I'm doing this for your own good!"

"He's right, you know," Jenny added after they stopped giggling. "You need to get out of your thoughts for a little bit, Killian."

Killian rolled his eyes. "Yeah, your husband has made that his sole mission in life to remind me of that every day for the past three days."

Jenny rolled her eyes in response and _God_ she really was a part of this family. "Could you hold Amelia for a second? I'm gonna check on your brother to make sure he isn't wearing that God-awful paisley shirt again."

"I thought you liked that shirt!" Liam shouted from the bedroom and Jenny and Killian laughed again as Jenny shifted Amelia into Killian's arms.

"I'll be right back," Jenny said as she lifted herself from the couch and marched down the hallway to the bedroom she shared with Liam.

Killian looked down at his newborn niece, whose eyes were struggling to remain open as slumber fought its way through. He trailed his finger down Amelia's soft cheek and he got a flash of a life that he wanted. Now that he had found his soul mate, Killian couldn't stop himself from imagining a future with a daughter with those jade eyes and his jet black hair or maybe a son with his bright blue eyes and her flaxen hair. He knew it'd be difficult, but Killian _needed_ this life. It was what he always wanted. And he knew that wouldn't change, especially since he finally found the one he was meant to be with.

"Don't look at her like that, Killy," Liam spoke up and Killian looked over at his older brother and his wife. Killian hadn't even noticed them returning to the living room; he had been completely entranced by Amelia's now-sleeping face. "Makes me think you may murder us in our sleep and steal her away."

Killian shrugged with a smirk on his face. "Too messy. Plus, I'd miss looking at your sorry mug."

"I'm touched," Liam responded, placing his hand on his chest.

Jenny rolled her eyes as she walked over to her old spot beside Killian, sitting down on the aged couch. "She finally fell asleep?" Killian nodded in response. "She likes her uncle."

Killian snorted. "I don't think she knows me all too well, Jenny. If she did, I don't think she'd like me at all."

"Killian," Jenny said, clearly wanting to say something, but Killian interrupted her by passing Amelia back to Jenny, being extra careful with the sleeping newborn.

Killian pushed himself off of the couch and took the three steps to reach his brother. "Ready?"

Liam clapped Killian on the shoulder and, with a grin, he said, "Let's go, little brother."

Ten minutes later, Killian and Liam arrived at a lounge mere blocks from Liam's apartment. The lounge, The Frozen Heart, was an up-and-coming lounge in the Bronx that was already making waves in the city, even if it had only been open for the past year. Maybe it was its icy interior, or its generous amounts of alcohol in the drinks, or maybe how the owner had been thrust into the limelight because of her honesty about her anxiety and depression.

Maybe it was because there was live entertainment every night.

When Killian walked into the lounge behind Liam, he was stopped suddenly by Liam's insistence to the host that he sees the owner of the lounge. Killian let his head drop backwards to stare at the ceiling because he bloody _hated_ it when Liam did this: asking the owner or manager or whatever if they could get a private seat because he had _Killian Jones_ with him and they didn't want to be bothered.

"Liam, that isn't necessary," Killian grumbled, moving to stand beside his brother.

Liam rolled his eyes. "You're still in a sour mood. Wouldn't do any good for your image if you treated your fans like you treat me."

"I wouldn't do that because you piss me off," Killian grumbled again, sticking his hands into his jean pockets.

Liam rolled his eyes as he turned to face the lounge, looking around at the chattering couples and friends. Killian continued to brood because he just did _not_ want to be there. He just wanted to be back at his apartment, watching TV and avoiding the public for now. He would be plenty in public when filming started back up; Killian just wanted a break until then.

But a blonde haired woman strolled up to Liam and Killian and then it was too late to convince Liam to go back home. The woman smiled, but Killian could see the tightness in it. She was obviously not completely used to being the famed owner of the hottest lounge in the Bronx.

"What can I help you with?" The woman asked-Elsa, Killian believed her name was.

Liam smiled as he said, "I'm here with Killian Jones and I was wondering if we would be able to get a table near the back. Somewhere dark. He isn't in the most pleasant of moods tonight, I'm afraid, and we wouldn't want him to harm his image by being rude to any guests."

Elsa nodded in understanding, her eyes flicking back to where Killian stood. "I have the perfect seat for you two. Just follow me, if you could, please."

Killian sighed as Elsa led Liam and him through the crowded lounge, weaving through filled tables and pushed-out chairs. Killian found himself getting annoyed with each passing moment, wishing that he could just tell his brother to bugger off. But, knowing Liam, he wouldn't do that, even if Killian begged. Liam was infuriating, but he was protective of his younger brother.

"Here you go," Elsa said with another smile as Liam and Killian sat at the one-sided booth she led them to. "Your waitress, Ella, will be with you in just a moment."

Liam nodded as Elsa walked away, back down a hallway that must lead to her office. Liam looked over to his brother, who was brooding again, with his arms crossed over his chest and leaning back against the booth.

Liam rolled his eyes. "Will you buck up, Killy? You're really ruining the mood."

Killian sighed. "Bugger off."

"Drama queen," Liam muttered, relaxing back against the booth, which overlooked the lower dining area and a stage where a pianist was playing a quiet tune.

Killian rolled his eyes. "Bloody git."

"Hi, guys! I'm Ella, your waitress for tonight!" The woman (well, more like girl) said cheerfully, with a wide smile and dimpled cheeks. "What would you two like-Oh my god, you're Killian Jones!"

Killian groaned internally, putting on a fake smile and sitting up straight. "Yes, I am."

Ella's face turned bright red, in contrast to her light blonde hair and blue eyes. "Ohmygod, I _can't believe this_! _Never Landing_ is my favorite show!"

Killian continued to smile, while resisting the urge to roll his eyes. "Thank you so much for watching."

Ella let out an inhuman squeak and quickly held her pad and pencil. "Can I get you anything?"

"Uh," Liam spoke up and Ella was suddenly reminded that Killian wasn't the only person at the table, "could I get a bottle of Dos Equis?"

Ella nodded and looked back at Killian, fluttering her eyelashes and _Jesus_ Killian thought he would've been used to women acting like that around him by now. "Just get me rum."

Ella sighed dreamingly. "Just like Hook."

Ella practically _skipped_ away and Killian relaxed back in his seat, listening to Liam cackling beside him.

"I will never get over the way women just _fawn_ over you, little brother," Liam joked, shoving Killian's shoulder.

"Piss off," Killian grumbled, looking up at the stage as the handsome gentleman begins winding his song to a close.

"Never," Liam responded, grinning at Killian.

Killian rolled his eyes and huffed, vaguely hearing footsteps walking onto the stage, thirty or so feet from him. He heard excited chattering and didn't think anything of it-only remembered that there was live entertainment and he sincerely hoped that it wasn't some tone-deaf person who wanted to be famous. Well, he didn't think anything of it until he heard the voice.

"Hi, everyone. I'm glad to see all of you again," Emma Swan spoke into the microphone and Killian leaned forward, his breath taken away because _Gods_ he forgot how beautiful she was. "I can only sing one song tonight 'cause I've got full tables, but I hope you enjoy this song, nonetheless."

_And _she can sing like an angel.

Bloody hell, she's perfect.

Liam furrowed his eyebrows at his brother's reaction to the lounge singer. "What are you doing? I thought you were supposed to be brooding or something."

"It's her," Killian responded simply, his sight unwavering from Emma as she sang on stage.

Liam looked back to the blonde woman on the stage. And all he said was "Oh, bloody hell."

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><p>Emma tried not to think about the conversation for the next three days. She tried to ignore the memories of Killian's desperate eyes and the way her heart pounded in her chest because it just knew that he was the one she was meant to be with. She ignored the dreams she had of Killian-which had switched from the dirtiest sex imaginable to the silliest domesticated fluff her mind could conjure up (<em>why was her mind betraying her?<em>)-and she _definitely_ ignored the incessant calls and texts coming from Mary Margaret and Ruby. She didn't want to face them, knowing how her life has completely changed and she did even want it (fine, she wanted it, but she didn't deserve it).

But the one thing she couldn't ignore was the sound of the door slamming shut when Killian left.

After Killian had left her apartment (_everybody leaves, don't forget it_), Emma completely and utterly _shattered_. Emma had collapsed to the ground and just cried her eyes out. God, she wanted the life she could have with her soul mate, but her fear of being left behind (_because she was always left behind_) was crippling her. Emma had seen the sincerity in Killian's eyes, at how much he wanted them to be together and that he truly wanted to talk things over. But, it had been just too much for Emma. As Emma had been heaving for breath on the hardwood floor of her apartment while the sobs wracked through her body, she remembered the startling blue of Killian's eyes that betrayed his heartache at Emma's pleas for him to leave.

God, she had been right in telling him that she was no good for him. She was just going to ruin his life with her brokenness. And then he'd realize that she was right and he'd run away.

Emma Swan was damaged goods, and she knew that all too well.

After mourning whatever life she could've had with Killian (and no, she absolutely did _not_ imagine a little boy with pitch black hair and piercing blue eyes), Emma shook everything off and got ready for her shift. She pushed all her thoughts away and that seemed to have worked until she returned home. And every moment since, she was plagued with her wishes and dreams and desires to have just _given him a chance_.

Her thoughts were no different as she walked to work that Sunday. As she walked into The Frozen Heart, she couldn't stop thinking of those eyes and how she had dreamt of them every night. But, her thoughts were quickly quieted as she could finally look at the lounge she worked at and see the beautiful ice blues and pure whites that blanketed the floors and walls and furniture. Emma felt her eyes widen at the overwhelming sensations of colors invading her sight, but she quickly fixed her eyes back to normal size; she didn't want anybody to know about how her life had drastically changed.

"Hey, Emma," Marian called from over by the bar, where she was wiping down the steel counter. Emma took in Marian's beautiful brown curls, bouncing gently from side to side as her arm moved across the counter with the damp rag.

"Hey," Emma responded as quickly as she could, trying to retain her normal attitude. Emma _really _didn't want people to find out that she could indeed see colors. She didn't want to deal with people being all cheery and not truly understanding how _awful_ it really was for Emma.

How awful it was _period_.

Emma headed back down the narrow hallway, which led to her boss' office, where she kept her things while Emma worked her shift. She never did any more than just exchanging pleasantries with Marian; honestly, Emma hardly knew Marian and they had been working together for a year, ever since Emma got the job as a cocktail waitress. Emma wasn't really friends with _anybody_ she worked with. She guessed that was residual from her time in foster care, where she kept to herself and stayed away from everyone because they'd end up leaving her anyways.

It was shocking that she ended up with as many friends as she had now. But, it was those people that never gave up on her. For once in her life, Emma had people that didn't give up on her.

And that included her boss.

Emma reached the end of the long hallway and pushed open the large, white oak door and saw her boss sitting behind her monstrous desk, looking like a child sitting behind their parents' desk. Elsa glanced up and Emma was taken aback by how ice blue her eyes were, something she never knew until this very moment. _God_, how was she going to be able to hide this from everyone?

"Hey," Elsa said as she looked back to her computer, her leg jiggling from underneath the desk. A nervous tick that Elsa's always had, ever since Emma first met her.

"Ordering?" Emma asked as she turned to the left, heading to the cubbies that were assigned for the workers.

"Mmhmm," Elsa responded, nibbling on her bottom lip.

"We need more Skyy, just so you know," Emma told her boss as she hung up her red leather jacket, revealing her cotton, knee-length black dress.

Elsa sighed and dropped her head into her hand, wringing her fingers through her loose braid. "I ordered some last week. What the fuck?"

Emma walked over to the desk, her five-inch, black high heels clacking on the white tile of the office. "Maybe it's time to talk to the staff again? Maybe they need a reminder to stop stealing shit again."

Elsa groaned and sighed all at the same time, resulting in some strange noise. Emma knew that this wasn't helped Elsa's anxiety even remotely, but this came with the territory of owning a lounge, which was quickly gaining popularity with the yuppie crowd. Emma always tried her best to help Elsa out with her anxiety, especially when Elsa would call Emma at hours unheard of, just to freak out over invoices and paychecks and shipments.

"I guess so," Elsa responded, her eyes glancing back up at Emma. Emma tried-_really tried_-to keep herself from reacting to the icy blue stare, but she couldn't stop her eyes from widening and her jaw from dropping. Elsa furrowed her eyebrows and Emma knew she was done for. "Is something wrong, Emma?"

Emma gulped, which Elsa indubitably noticed. "Uh, no."

Elsa looked deep into Emma's eyes, scanning for something Emma was trying to hide. Emma _really_ didn't want people to know about the whole true love thing. It was stupid. So stupid.

"Ohmygod," Elsa said as her jaw dropped and Emma knew she was caught. "_You can see colors_."

"Why do you say that?" Emma asked, crossing her arms over her chest defensively.

"Because Anna had that _exact_ same look on her face when she met Kristoff," Elsa explained, slowly standing from her desk and placing her hands in the back pockets of her white pants. "She stared at me exactly how you are now."

Emma sighed and deflated, her shoulders slouching as her arms remained crossed. "I can see colors."

And Emma was surprised at the lack of excitement and joy coming from Elsa. Instead, Elsa smiled weakly at Emma. Emma furrowed her eyebrows at Elsa as Emma looked at her, confused at the unexpected reaction.

"What, no 'you're so lucky' or 'you should be happy?'" Emma asked her boss, chewing on the inside of her cheek.

"I know you well enough to know that you aren't exactly the type to want this," Elsa responded, removing her hands from her pockets to finger at the end of her braid. "And you know that I understand where you're coming from."

Emma knew that Elsa understood. They'd had plenty of late night talks while closing the lounge and nights where they just hung out at either of their apartments, drinking alcohol and just talking about their lives before they met. Elsa knew basically everything about Emma's life in foster care and Neal and her feelings about the whole _soul mate_ thing (these only came out after a particularly rough night of tequila and an awful game of 20 questions). Emma knew all about Elsa's anxiety (which wasn't exactly hard to notice since she was always a nervous wreck at work), her unpredictable emotions, and how Elsa felt that it was better for everyone that she just stayed away.

They became quite close after that night. Emma realized that Elsa was one of the few people who truly, _irrevocably_ understood her. Emma felt bad that she didn't tell Elsa about the color thing immediately after it happened, but she just needed Henry and then plenty of time to herself. She needed to sit and think about her new life and whether or not she should really try with the whole soul mate thing, even if Emma was absolutely positive that it would be exactly how everything else in her life was: that he would realize that she wasn't enough or that she wasn't lovable and that he would leave, just as many other people have.

"I just don't know what to do, Elsa," Emma muttered, taking a deep breath and flinging her hair back over her shoulder.

"Well, you know that you want this. You've told me as much," Elsa replied, walking around the desk and perching herself on the edge of the desk, reclining in front of Emma. "But, I know that you're terrified of this. Just take your time in figuring it out."

Emma nibbled on her bottom lip. "And if he won't wait?"

Elsa gave Emma a look that said 'come on, seriously?' "Of course he'll wait. He's your soul mate."

Emma rolled her eyes and began to turn to exit the office. "Sure."

"What's his name?" Elsa asked as Emma strutted toward the door. "You must've at least exchanged names, right?"

"Not exactly," Emma replied as she put her hand on the doorknob.

"What is that supposed to mean?" Elsa asked from the desk.

Emma glanced over her shoulder at Elsa, who seemed to genuinely want to know who Emma's soul mate was. Emma smirked at her friend and said, "I knew who he was. In fact, you do too. Actually, everyone knows who he is."

Elsa furrowed her eyebrows. "Dammit Emma. Just tell me. Now is not the time to be cryptic."

Emma left the office without another word to Elsa. She busied herself by prepping her tables and chatting nicely with Marian and any of her other coworkers that came in. Emma earned a tight hug from Ella (who was always cheerful and it kinda grated on Emma's nerves because _nobody_ could always be that happy) before Ella skipped away to Elsa's office.

"Singing tonight?" Ella asked as she quickly stopped at the archway that led to the hallway.

Emma nodded as she reclined against the bar. "Yeah."

"You're so lucky you can sing like that. Probably doesn't hurt your tips," Ella responded, tapping her silver painted fingernails against the archway. "I would give my firstborn to sing like that."

Ella skipped past the archway and down the hallway to Elsa's office. Emma let out a loud sigh of relief because it honestly was exhausted dealing with Ella. Marian met eyes with Emma and chuckled under her breath.

"Yeah, I know. I had to deal with her the day she got engaged," Marian said, wiping glasses clean of any water or dust remnants.

Emma raised her eyebrows. "I couldn't even imagine."

"Hey, Emma!" Olaf called from the front door of the lounge, the short, rotund man waddling toward the piano. "Ready to rehearse your songs for tonight?"

Emma sighed as she slid off of the barstool, walking over toward the stage with her five inch stilettos clacking on the hardwood of the lower dining area. "Let's do this."

And that's what Emma did until the lounge officially opened at six, and which was already packed by six thirty. Emma wasn't really surprised about the turn out; _Time Out_ just named The Frozen Heart as the hottest up-and-coming lounge in the city with an interview with Elsa. Elsa had called Emma frantically a few days ago about the interview, so Emma had been with Elsa during the interview. And it turned out that the interview did more good than harm, contrary to what Elsa was concerned about.

So, obviously that meant Emma was _swamped_. Each table that the host, that _incompetent_ Greg, brought over must've had at least four people per table, which made more work for Emma than she _really _needed. Her feet were _killing_ her (well, that's what she got for making the mistake of wearing stilettos to work _again_) and she was already exhausted by the time nine rolled around. But, she was thankful for the busy night: it kept her from thinking about Killian and his too-blue eyes that showed every emotion that crossed his mind and the way he _left_.

"Emma, it's time for you to sing," Elsa whispered into her ear as she snuck up behind Emma as she was tending a table.

Emma nodded as she gathered the empty glasses from the table of drunken businesswomen. "I'll be up there in a minute."

Elsa hurried back to her office since she didn't like staying in crowds all that much. Emma huffed as she carried the heavy tray back behind the bar, where Marian graciously took the tray to clear it of glasses.

"Give 'em hell," Marian said as she began stacking glasses together.

Emma let out a deep breath as she walked up to the stage. No matter how many times she had sung in front of crowds (she graduated with a degree in music, _for fuck's sake_), she was always a little nervous. Sure, the crowd at The Frozen Heart had always been very appreciative and always loved hearing her sing, but Emma was always waiting for someone to disapprove of her singing. There was always someone out there that disapproved of things she did.

(She was simply used to it.)

Emma cleared her throat as she stood on the stage, leaning toward Olaf, who sat behind the piano. "We're gonna do 'Chandelier.' I'm too busy to do more than that."

Olaf nodded in understanding and cracked his knuckles over-exaggeratedly. Emma turned to the microphone, slightly blinded by the strong lights propped at the edge of the stage, but noticing the eager shifting in seats of the crowd.

"Hi, everyone. I'm glad to see all of you again," Emma said as she placed her hands on the microphone stand. "I can only sing one song tonight 'cause I've got full tables, but I hope you enjoy this song, nonetheless."

And Emma began singing. It was kinda silly, but she always liked seeing people's expressions whenever she started singing-they always look just simply awestruck at her voice. Emma remembered that whenever she began singing, it'd be one of the few times that she could forget the pain of a lonely life and could just imagine that everything was perfect. That's why she majored in music: she wanted to live that perfect life and help others live it too.

Emma closed her eyes and allowed her hips to sway with the gentle notes of the piano, singing the song that she had practiced for hours and had been stuck in her head for days. She let herself imagine that she was singing in Madison Square Garden, or in Carnegie Hall, singing for everyone to hear. That's what Emma wanted with her life, but life never really worked out like that for Emma. But, she still hoped for the day that she'd get a chance to showcase her talents for crowds to hear.

Emma opened her eyes again and scanned the crowd, nearing the end of her song. She smiled internally at the faces of the audience, mentally taking a picture to look at on days where Emma felt as though her life was losing meaning. She noticed Ella swaying along to the song as she dropped off drinks to a table in the far back of the lounge. Emma looked at the table, noticing two men sitting there: one man was staring intently at Emma as she sang and the other man seemed very intrigued by the first man's reaction toward her. Emma subtly squinted her eyes and _holy shit no_.

It was Killian.

Killian Jones was here and listening to her singing and _oh God this was not happening_.

As soon as the final note ended on the piano, Emma hurried off of the stage, willing her legs to walk past her tables-which probably needed tending to-and walked through the hallway in the rear of the lounge, going back to Elsa's office. She couldn't deal with her _soul mate_ tonight-well, more like maybe ever. She didn't want that life (of course she fucking wanted it) and she needed him to keep away from her because she'd only end up hurting him and herself (she needed him to _stay_.)

Emma walked into Elsa's office and immediately shut the door behind her, collapsing against it as Elsa raised her eyebrows from behind the desk, where she was typing away on the computer.

"Is there something wrong?" Elsa asked, looking over at her friend, slightly worried at Emma's distressed face.

"He's here," Emma said simply and Elsa understood.

Elsa walked from around the desk and placed her hands on Emma's upper arms, soothingly rubbing her thumbs against her skin. "You alright?"

Emma took a deep breath and shrugged. "I don't know. I just don't know what to do. He obviously saw me and I don't know if he's gonna try to talk to me."

"Well, of course he's going to try to talk to you, Emma," Elsa responded, smiling politely at her friend. "Knowing you, you probably pushed him away when you two talked. You two have talked, right?"

Emma nodded. "Yeah, kinda. But yeah, I pushed him away when he tried to talk. I just don't do _this_."

Elsa gripped Emma's upper arms a little harder, trying to shake sense into her. "You _can_ do this, Emma. And you want that life. You just have to take a chance."

There was gentle knocking on the office door and Emma's heart began beating wildly in her chest. Elsa helped pull Emma from the door, as she was frozen with fear, and Elsa opened the door, revealing a nervous Killian and a disconcerted man behind him.

Elsa's eyes widened as she looked over to her friend. "_He's_ your soul mate?"

Emma shrugged. "What? I told you that everyone knew who he was."

"But, I didn't think you meant that _literally_," Elsa responded hastily, then returned her gaze to the two men at her door, spreading an uneasy smile on her face. "Come on in."

Killian and the man entered the office and Emma began picking at her nails from the nerves filling her stomach. She knew she needed to talk to him, even if she said everything she had to say on Wednesday. But Emma knew she didn't mean all of those things, that mostly fear had controlled her words, just as it did so often. She did want this kind of life, but she wasn't lying about how she wasn't good with _this_-with relationships and being happy and being _normal_. But looking at Killian's eyes, _Christ _Emma wanted to at least try.

"Hi," Killian said simply, sticking his hands into his jacket pockets.

"Hi," Emma replied nervously, continuing to pick at her nails.

A silence followed as Emma looked over to Elsa, who was listening quite intently at the awkward exchange. Emma raised her eyebrows, communicating silently that she would _very_ much like for Elsa to leave.

"Oh right," Elsa said, figuring out what Emma wanted, stepping toward the door. "I'll go take care of your tables, then. Just close the door when you leave."

Killian looked over his shoulder at the unknown man and must've had the same look on his face as Emma did.

The man rolled his eyes. "Fine, you bloody git." The man looked around Killian and smiled at Emma. "I'm Liam. My brother decided to be rude and not introduce me. It's nice to finally meet you."

Emma smiled politely back at Liam, kicking herself for being so unbelievably dumb about not seeing the family resemblance. "Nice to meet you too."

"Now, get out, you prat," Killian grumbled under his breath to who must've been his older brother.

Liam sighed as he began to follow Elsa out of the office. "Fine. Don't hide for too long. Don't want that Ella girl to miss you."

Killian rolled his eyes and sighed as his brother and Elsa exited the office and the door shut quietly behind them. It was silent for a few more moments before Killian cleared his throat and itched a spot behind his ear, which Emma reluctantly found quite adorable and endearing.

"So, uh-um-well-"

"Are you stalking me now?" Emma asked, crossing her arms over her chest defensively, raising her eyebrows at the man before her.

Killian raised his eyebrows and wildly shook his head. "God, no. I came here with my brother just to hang out since this is only a few minutes from his place. I had no idea you worked here. I'm not that kind of man, love."

Emma narrowed her eyes at Killian, even though she could tell he genuinely meant what he said. None of her usual lie detectors were going off as she looked at his blue eyes (_God_, they were so blue) and Emma sighed. And dammit she should've been annoyed at _love_, but Emma couldn't help it-she had missed his lilting accent and bright blue eyes and messy black hair and _what was happening to her_.

"Fine. I believe you," Emma replied, planting her hands on her hips.

Killian sighed, awkwardly shifting his hands in his pockets. "My brother thought I needed a night out after not leaving my place for the past three days."

Emma gulped because it sounded like _her_: lying in bed and just not wanting to move ever since Killian left her apartment after that awful conversation they had. She had only left the apartment to go to work, but once that was over, she'd return home, back to her spot in her bed. She didn't talk to Ruby or Mary Margaret or Henry; all she did was wallow in her own misery, which was what she did best.

"I'm sure that conversation didn't go exactly how you imagined it," Emma mumbled, looking to the white carpeting of the office.

Killian chuckled. "Not exactly. But, I knew it'd be a challenge, since I saw how afraid you were when you saw me that first time."

Emma nibbled on her lip as she looked up at Killian, clasping her hands together in front of her and shifting awkwardly to relieve the pain in her feet (_why had she decided to wear stilettos to work that day?_). "You saw me panic?"

Killian nodded subtly. "Yeah."

Emma let out a deep breath, taking a small step forward. "Killian, I wasn't lying when I said that I'm not any good for you. You need a girl who wants fame and to be chased by paparazzi and I'm not that girl."

Killian sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Love, not to be a prat or anything, but you don't exactly know what I like in a girl."

And Emma knew he was right. She didn't know a damn thing about Killian Jones-only the things she read in those gossip magazines. All she knew was that he had a thing for flings with hot models and appeared to have a soft spot for Cheetos, since he seemed to have a bag in his hand in nearly every picture taken of him.

Emma sighed and chewed on the inside of her cheek. "I know. I know I don't have any right to say that. Or had any right to say any of those things back at my place. I'm sorry for all of that. But, I'm telling you the truth-I'm not the kind of girl you want by your side in the limelight."

_I have a past_, Emma wanted to say, but no, she couldn't say it. Not yet. Not when they only just met.

"I understand," Killian responded and Emma's heart fell. She knew he wouldn't chase after her. Nobody did. "But, truth be told, love, this isn't something I'm going to forget about. I don't take this whole soul mate business lightly. And I don't know about you, but I know that even though it may be terrifying to do this, I'm willing to try."

Emma's heart swelled, hearing Killian's confessions. She could see in his eyes that he had been hurt before, that she wasn't the only person that was afraid and nervous about this whole thing. Killian understood what she was saying and wasn't pressuring her into anything. And that made all of the difference in the world to Emma.

"Well, um, if you decide to stop by Thursday through Sunday next week and the week after, I may not exactly complain," Emma mumbled out, afraid to raise her voice any higher.

Killian smiled (and it was a beautiful smile) and his eyes lit up. "Are you telling me your work schedule, Ms. Swan?"

Emma bit on her bottom lip. "Maybe."

Killian smiled wider, his bright and perfect teeth showing. He took a step closer to Emma, sticking his hands into his jacket pockets again. "You aren't exactly subtle, are you, love?"

Emma shrugged, beginning to smile because she enjoyed this side of Killian. "I've been told that I'm as subtle as a brick to the face."

Killian chuckled and Emma's heart did a weird stutter thing that Emma thought she could get used to. "It's quite endearing."

Emma felt her face burn with the blush rising to her cheeks. "It was nice to see you again, Killian."

"It was nice to see you too, Emma Swan," Killian responded, those bright blue eyes sinking into Emma's jade eyes.

And in that moment, Emma realized that she loved her name spilling from those lips.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: I'm about half way through the next chapter I'm writing, so I thought I'd post this! Hope y'all enjoy it :)**

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><p>Killian came to the lounge every night Emma was working, without fail. Emma would look across the lounge from her spot on the stage and would see his smiling face, just staring at her as she sang. She hadn't gathered the guts to ask him how he felt about her voice (not like it was important or anything.) But according to the look on Killian's face-the way he looked absolutely flabbergasted and just so <em>young<em>-Emma thought that he quite liked her voice.

It was this way for the next two weeks: Killian would come to the lounge and watch Emma sing and they'd spend some time talking later-much later, when customers were gone and it was only the two of them in the empty lounge, surrounded by silence and tension that never seemed to ease. Emma didn't want to feel those things-the tension that came over her in waves, the stutter of her heart whenever he broke into that stupid smile, the way that smile seemed to be only for _her_. Her heart continued to betray her whenever Killian came around, with his perfectly mussed hair and piercing blue eyes and _God that stubble_.

Because of this routine (one that Emma begrudgingly admitted that she looked forward to-because she was still trying to protect the walls around her heart), Emma noticed when Killian suddenly wasn't there on Thursday night, nearly three weeks after the serendipitous meeting at The Frozen Heart. She tried to ignore the niggling feeling the empty booth left in the back of her neck, the one that said that it was only a matter of time before he got bored with her.

Emma shook her head as she took the stage, trying to shake off the negative emotions the stupid table was giving her (it was _just_ a table, for fuck's sake.) But even as she sang-something that always gave her great joy-, Emma couldn't stop the fear from clawing at her, taking hold of her heart and squeezing it almost painfully. She kept wishing that when she'd look back at that booth that Killian would be sitting there, coming in late because something came up. But he never came that night. And Emma did _not_ like the way her stomach clenched at the thought of him giving up on her (_because everyone gave up on her_.)

"Where's your pirate?" Elsa asked with a smile when it was only the two of them left in the lounge. She had taken to the nickname because Killian _did_ play James Hook on television and, well, he _did_ dress sorta like a modern-day pirate. When Emma didn't respond, Elsa looked up from her desk, where she was organizing her papers, and the smile fell from her lips. "What's wrong?"

Emma shook her head (cursing herself for allowing herself to become distracted by thoughts of _of course he left_ and _you'll never be good enough_.) "What? No, I'm fine."

Elsa stood up straight and pursed her lips at Emma. "Tell the truth, Emma."

Emma sighed and let her arms drop from their crossed position over her chest. "He didn't come tonight."

Elsa furrowed her pale-blonde eyebrows. "What?"

Emma sighed again and looked at her friend sternly. "He didn't come. Got it?"

"Emma-"

"No, I'm fine. I'm just gonna head home," Emma interrupted Elsa, turning to walk to the cubbies in the corner of the office. Emma was _not_ in the mood for Elsa's pity and apologies. "See you tomorrow night, Elsa."

And Elsa didn't try to stop Emma as she exited the office and left the lounge in her dust, walking down the late night/early morning streets of late July. She walked for what seemed like an hour, just down the sidewalk in her black stilettos with her keys gripped tightly in her hands. She told herself that she shouldn't care that Killian wasn't there that night. But she couldn't silence that niggling voice in the back of her mind, telling her that he gave up on her, that she wasn't worth the waiting. It didn't matter that they were soul mates or whatever; he gave up on her because she wasn't worth it (she was never worth it.)

Emma refused to cry over this stupid soul mate business any more. She had spent enough tears on the sheer stupidity of it and she didn't want to waste any more. When she was three blocks from the lounge, Emma finally hailed a cab to save her sore feet, which drove her the final five minutes to her apartment.

And if she shed a few tears onto her pillow when she collapsed onto her bed, she didn't think about it.

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><p>Ugh, Emma was <em>exhausted<em>. After falling asleep nearing four in the morning and needing to be up for her eight am shift at the diner, she was bound to be completely drained. Emma couldn't remember how she had done this five million times before, but all she wanted was to crawl back into her bed and sleep all day. Well, until her shift at The Frozen Heart that night.

She was so tired that as she was pouring a cup of coffee for one of the twenty customers at the diner, she overflowed the cup and burning coffee landed on her hand, nearly making her shout a loud string of curses that would've indubitably gotten her fired.

"F-f-f-f-f-f-f-f," Emma muttered, forcing herself to _not finish that word_ as she put the coffee pot back and hurried back to the kitchen to wash off her now-burning hand. Once she got back into the kitchen, however, Emma allowed herself to let loose her thoughts. "Fuck, fuck, fuck, _fuck_."

Emma blasted cool water from the faucet and ran her hand under the stream, sighing at the feeling of the pain fading away slowly. She knew she should keep her hand under the water for a while, but Emma had five tables to get back to and she didn't have time to nurse her burn, even if it's going to _kill_ in a matter of minutes after leaving the water.

"What happened?" Aurora asked, knocking her hip into Emma's as she walked back to probably pick up food.

"Burnt my hand on the coffee," Emma responding, wincing when the pain returned after removing her hand for a few moments from the water.

"Oh," Aurora said, wincing. "I'll get your tables for you until you come back. There should be some aspirin and Neosporin in the first aid box in Granny's office."

Emma sighed. "Thank you, Aurora."

"Not a problem," Aurora responded as she marched off toward the counter, grabbing three plates from the stainless steel counter.

Emma let out a deep breath as she turned off the water and hurried toward Granny's office, walking around in the cramped area to find the first aid kit attached to the wall. She had gracefully avoided mentioning to Aurora, or actually _anybody_, about her new view on life. She had avoided the subject with Mary Margaret and Ruby like the damn plague whenever she saw them because they'd be overjoyed at the aspect of Emma finally finding her soul mate when it indeed was not a good thing for Emma. She was still a little leery of it, even if she and Killian were beginning to hang out and _maybe_ she liked him.

No-no she didn't. He wasn't at the lounge last night. He gave up on her. Emma did _not_ like him because he thought better of this whole situation and didn't want to be with her, much like Neal. No, Emma didn't like him because she was _much_ better off alone, as always.

Emma shook her head of the thoughts as she dry-swallowed two aspirin and quickly rubbed some Neosporin on the red site on her left hand. She hurried back to the dining room of the diner and quickly made her rounds, catching up on what she left behind and what Aurora had taken care of for her. She was hurrying around so quickly that she hadn't noticed that a familiar man had taken a seat at one of her booths until she came around to take his order.

"Emma Swan," he said and Emma looked up from her pad as she stood at the front of the booth.

Emma narrowed her eyes at him as she looked at him, trying to recall his name. Then, it hit her. "Liam Jones."

Liam smiled (_God_, he looked so much like Killian that it _hurt_) and chuckled. "I thought you worked at The Frozen Heart."

"I do, but only on Thursday through Sunday nights. This is my day job," Emma responded, holding her pad tightly because she did _not_ want to ask about Killian. "How haven't I seen you around?"

"I've never been here. I just thought I should stop by for a minute since it's only a block from my place," Liam explained, folding his hands on top of the table. "But, I'll need a to-go order for my wife."

Emma nodded and held the pad up. "I can take your order now and then take your wife's when you're ready to leave."

Liam nodded and smiled again (and _dammit_ could he stop that because Emma didn't need to be reminded that Killian was an ass and gave up and _ugh_ why did she even come into work today?) "I'll have the French toast with home fries on the side. And a cup of coffee." And Emma must've made a face at the coffee because Liam quickly corrected himself to, "I mean, a cup of chocolate milk."

"I'll be right back," Emma said as she hurried off to the kitchen to hand off the order.

She wasn't able to really talk to Liam for another hour, save for the short period of time she was able to drop off his food. By the time she was able to stop by Liam again, it was nearing eleven o'clock and she only had an hour left of her shift, then she could go home and crawl into bed and just _sleep_.

Emma sighed as she stood at Liam's table, stacking up his empty plates. "Still need that to-go order?"

Liam nodded as he wiped off his mouth. "A stack of pancakes and a side of bananas and strawberries."

Emma quickly jotted down the order on her pad and bent to pick up the stack of plates and Liam's empty cup when Liam spoke again. "You know, Killian feels like a rightful git about missing you last night."

Emma's heart stopped and she looked over at the older Jones brother. "What?"

Liam sighed and folded his hands on the table again. "Killian feels bad about not being at the lounge last night. He just started filming again, so he couldn't make it. He had a night shoot last night. He basically always does."

Emma let out a breath she didn't know she was holding. He didn't give up. He just had a job. God, Emma was so idiotic. "Really?"

Liam raised a single eyebrow (must be a Jones thing.) "You look relieved."

Emma opened her mouth to respond, but she didn't know how to respond. So she said something that she knew she could actually say: "Lemme go drop off this order for you."

Emma rushed off before Liam could say something else about Killian and hurt her heart even further. She hated that she was already so wrapped up in a man that she hardly knew. She didn't give a fuck that he was her stupid soul mate; Emma Swan was not one to go all mushy over a dude.

"What's wrong?" Granny called from her office doorway with her arms crossed, back from a breakfast with Ruby, her granddaughter.

Emma gulped as she slid the slip onto the counter for the cooks to see the order. Emma shook her head when she met her gaze with Granny. "Nothing. I'm fine."

Granny raised her eyebrows because she was not one to take lightly to lying. "Emma."

"I'm fine, Granny," Emma responded hastily, rushing out of the kitchen to avoid Granny's judgmental stare.

Emma knew that if she told absolutely anything to Granny, she would go right to Ruby and tell her everything. So Emma was not going to tell her a single thing, especially since this all related to a certain big secret that Emma hadn't told her two closest friends.

"Emma, sit," Liam said as soon as Emma exited the kitchen and walked toward his direction. "There's a lull and I just want to talk for a moment."

Emma sighed, seeing that there indeed was a lull in business at the moment, and sat across from Liam in the booth. "What is it?"

"Killian's filming by Chelsea Piers," Liam told Emma.

Emma shrugged. "And?"

Liam sighed. "And I know Killian wanted to see you last night, but couldn't because of his filming schedule. So, I was thinking that maybe you'd like to pay him a visit on set."

Emma furrowed her eyebrows, wringing her hands together in her lap. "Am I even allowed to do that?"

"I'd go with you, obviously, because they know me," Liam replied, running his hands through his curly mop of hair. "I wouldn't be able to stay for long because I have a newborn and this is my first time out in days, but I'd go with you just to show you where to go. You'd have to wait in his trailer because obviously you can't go on the actual set. But, I know it'd mean a lot to my brother if you'd do this."

Emma sighed and tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. She wanted to see Killian, no matter how hard she fought against her feelings toward him. She knew she cared about him, which did indeed terrify her because now Killian had the power to absolutely break her heart. Which was why Emma struggled with deciding whether or not to visit him on the set. She was still so scared of letting him in all of the way, but Emma knew that she also cared too much to just forget about all of this.

"I have work at five," Emma responded, which was the truth. But that was the easy excuse to avoid Killian for the day. She needed to sort out her thoughts because her brain was going to explode with all of the conflicting emotions she was dealing with. "I don't have time today."

Liam tilted his head to the side (wow, him and Killian were _definitely_ related) and leaned forward, folding his arms together on the table. "Emma, I don't know what happened in your past that made it hard for you to trust people, but please, give my brother a chance."

Emma clenched her hands into fists and narrowed her eyes at Liam, sliding her legs to the end of the booth and beginning to stand up. "I have to get back to work."

"Sorry!" Liam nearly shouted in the almost empty diner, reaching out to keep Emma from leaving. Emma settled back into the booth and crossed her arms over her chest. "Emma, I'm sorry, but please. It would mean a lot to him if you would stop by to see him, even if it was only for a moment. Life hasn't exactly been kind to him either and finding you-it brought a new meaning to his life."

"Liam-"

"I know I'm probably overstepping boundaries here, but I'm looking out for my little brother," Liam continued, relaxing back in his side of the booth. "I know you're scared; my wife was too when we first found each other. It's completely normal. But you should give him a chance. And I know you want to because if you didn't, you would've left by now."

And Liam was right. If Emma didn't care about Killian or giving him a chance, she would've already gone back to work. She hated that apparently both Jones brothers could see through her. Emma nibbled on her bottom lip and looked at Liam, the pure exhaustion in his eyes, and she gave in.

"I get off at noon," Emma told Liam, uncrossing her arms and plopping them onto the table.

Liam nodded and smiled weakly at her. "Thank you, Emma. I'll come by again then so I can take you to the set. But I won't be able to stay because my wife would kill me if I left her alone with the newborn for that long. You'll just have to sit in his trailer until he comes by."

Emma nodded and slid out of the booth. "Okay. I'll go get you your to-go bag."

Emma walked off before Liam could say anything else. She took a deep breath as she entered the kitchen to pick up Liam's wife's food, trying to calm her pounding heart. She would be surprising Killian on set in only an hour-hour and a half at most. She didn't know if Killian would even be okay with her popping in, even if Liam had asked her too. Even if Liam had said that Killian felt like an ass about missing her last night, she didn't know if she would be encroaching on Killian's territory, even if he had been stopping at her work for the past two weeks to see her.

Emma shook her head as she picked up the to-go bag from the stainless steel counter. No, she'll go. She told Liam she would and she really did care about Killian. She wanted to try, so Emma had to go see him. Even if she didn't want to admit it to anybody, Emma actually _missed_ Killian.

"What was that about?" Granny asked with her arms crossed as she stood by her office door (did she even move while Emma was talking to Liam?)

"Uh, nothing," Emma responded, lying through her teeth because she was _not_ about to tell Ruby's grandmother about the soul mate thing. "Just an old friend that I haven't seen in a while."

Granny raised her eyebrows and dammit she knew that something was up with Emma. "Tell me the truth, Emma."

"That's the truth," Emma replied, walking back toward the dining room of the diner.

Emma heard Granny huff indignantly, but she ignored Granny. If she told anything to Granny, she would indubitably tell Ruby and Ruby would tell Mary Margaret and then everybody would know and Emma was _not at all_ ready for that. Not only would her life become hell for keeping this from her closest friends, but her entire _life_ would go to shit once the media found out that heartthrob Killian Jones found his soul mate and she was just an ordinary woman and here's where she lives and works and what she looks like and…just no.

No one else could know until everything was sorted out.

* * *

><p>"Here, put this on," Liam said as he held out a dark grey, zip-up hoodie, just exiting the taxi that drove them from the Bronx.<p>

Emma furrowed her eyebrows as she took the sweatshirt from him, sliding it on over her arms. "Why do I need to wear this?"

"Paparazzi," Liam said simply as he stared ahead, walking closer and closer to the gathering of trailers on the set of Killian's TV show. "If anyone were to get a picture of you going into Killian's trailer, hell would break loose. Knowing Killian, he would _not_ want that to happen. And I imagine that's the same for you. At least, until everything is figured out."

Wow, was Emma actually an open book to both Jones brothers? Like damn.

Emma zipped up the hoodie to cover her stark white t-shirt and put up the hoodie to hide her blonde hair. All that was now showing was her bright red, short (_so short_) skirt, which she should've thought to go back to her place and change out of because it just screamed 'Granny's Diner,' and her black Toms, which again were part of her waitressing uniform.

"I'm not exactly inconspicuous, Liam, even with this sweatshirt," Emma murmured as they walked past a security guard, who waved knowingly at Liam. Emma motioned to her skirt (and _God_ why did her uniform have to be so obnoxious?)

Liam chuckled under his breath as he led Emma toward Killian's trailer, weaving around hurrying PAs and excited extras. "Well, the whole soul mate thing is actually pretty rare, so not a whole lot of people around here will be able to see your fire truck red skirt."

Emma mentally crossed herself because she's just _praying_ that nobody could actually see the obnoxious red of her skirt and connected to the small diner in the Bronx. That would lead to a difficult conversation to Ruby and Mary Margaret and probably to death threats of crazy fans who wanted her to disappear.

(Who the fuck made up this soul mate business?)

"We're almost there," Liam told Emma as they cut through a small gap between two trailers (Emma wondered for a moment who they belonged to.) "Just a little bit further."

It was only a few more seconds before Liam must've spotted the trailer, leading Emma over to the rather large trailer and allowing her to enter it first. She stepped up the few stairs and swung open the door, revealing a modern, but comfortable interior. Her eyes widened as she entered the trailer and stared at the 52-inch flat screen propped against the wall beside the door, the brown leather couch resting in front of the television, and the elaborate kitchenette on the far side of the trailer. She looked down the narrow room and saw two doors: one of which must be for a bathroom, the other possibly being for a bedroom.

"Wow," Emma said dumbly as Liam stepped inside and closed the door behind him.

"Yeah," Liam responded as he immediately walked over to the mini-fridge, grabbing a bottle of water from one of the shelves and tossing it over to Emma. Emma deftly caught it without blinking an eye, earning her a smile from Liam. "He should be back soon-ish. This is around the time he usually has his breaks for a few hours. He typically comes back by himself, but sometimes he's got Izzy with him."

Emma furrowed her eyebrows as she opened the water bottle. "Izzy?"

"Isabelle Greene," Liam responded, as if Emma should've known who he meant.

And _wow_, Emma should've known.

Emma's jaw dropped. "Isabelle Greene? Isabelle Greene comes over here sometimes?"

Liam smiled again as he stood by the trailer's door. "Big fan, I assume?"

Emma's heart pounded hard in her chest. "Sorta, yeah. I guess you could say that."

Isabelle Greene played Emma's second favorite character on _Never Landing_ (her first being Hook-obviously since that was Killian's character): a modern-day Tinkerbell. Actually, for the first Halloween after the show premiered, Emma went as Tinkerbell.

(And no, she did _not_ hook up with a guy who had gone as Hook.)

(Okay fine, yeah she did.)

Liam chuckled as he placed his hand on the door knob, preparing to exit the trailer. "Just wait here. He'll be here eventually."

Emma moved to unzip the hoodie Liam handed to her, but Liam held up his hand and said, "Keep it. You'll need it when you leave. And whenever you come back to visit. Gotta be careful about this until you two figure out what's going on."

"Thank you, Liam," Emma said as Liam went to open the door.

"It was my pleasure, Emma," Liam responded with a smile. "I'll see you another time."

With that, Liam left the trailer. Emma sat silently on the corner of the couch as she waited as patiently as she could for Killian to show up. She hoped she wasn't stepping on his toes by sitting in his trailer, somewhere that's pretty much his own place. Hopefully he'd excuse her being her since Liam was the one who gave her the idea and helped her get here.

Emma began sipping on her bottled water when her phone vibrated loudly in her purse, on the opposite side of the couch from her. Emma groaned and reached over the leather couch, searching through the main pocket for her phone and _Jesus_ how hard is it to find a phone in her small-ass purse? Emma let out a yelp of success once she finally found her phone and crawled back up to where she was originally sitting. She swiped her screen and tapped in her security code to see that she received a text.

**Henry: you home yet? I'm hungry and wanna go try that new Thai place around the corner.**

Emma snorted (typical Henry) and responded.

_Not home. Busy._

It was only a moment later before Henry texted back.

**You busy during your designated three napping hours? Blasphemy.**

Emma rolled her eyes.

_I'm out._

**Where?**

_If I tell you, I'd have to kill you._

***rolls eyes* oh come on, Emma. Talk to me. Does this have anything to do with your famous soul mate?**

_Goodbye, Henry. Tell me how the Thai is._

**You can't avoid me forever, Ems. But fine. Be that way.**

Emma rolled her eyes at Henry and tossed her phone back to her purse, relaxing back in the super comfortable couch (seriously, it was better than her own bed). She must've dozed off while she awaited Killian's appearance because she was suddenly startled by the sound of the door swinging open and Emma shot off of the couch, standing awkwardly beside where she was sitting and patted down her skirt where it had ridden up during her short nap.

And then he appeared, looking down at the plate of food in his hands (and the smell of barbecue filled Emma's nostrils and her stomach grumbled loudly). He looked up and his eyes widened as the door shut behind him. And Emma praised God that he was wearing his character's everyday clothes: a leather jacket, white t-shirt, and those black jeans that drove Emma insane.

"Emma," Killian said, shocked at her appearance at his trailer (she didn't notice the way Killian's eyes shot down to her exposed legs). "What are you doing here? Wait-I mean _how_ are you here?"

"Liam and I sorta ran into each at my work this morning and he brought me here after some convincing," Emma explained, tucking her hands into the hoodie's pockets. "He had to leave right after he led me here, something about not wanting to leave his wife alone too long with a newborn."

Killian chuckled and scratched that spot behind his ear (_God_, that was so endearing). "Jenny would _not_ like being left alone with Amelia for that long. But why else are you here, love?"

"Liam said that you felt like an ass for not making it last night," Emma replied, shuffling awkwardly in place. She looked up at Killian, who was still staring at her with a look Emma couldn't place. So, Emma took it as something negative as she reached for her phone and purse. "I knew I shouldn't have come. I'll just go-"

"Emma, wait," Killian asked as he stood in front of the door, holding a hand out to Emma to stop her from leaving. "Stay."

"I don't need you pitying me, Killian," Emma snapped out and _dammit_ she didn't want to be a total ass to him.

"I'm not pitying you. I want you to stay," Killian responded immediately, taking her reaction in stride. "Liam was right. I felt like a total arse about missing you last night, so it's nice to see you, Swan. I have a break until at least six, maybe longer. So, Emma Swan, I would like to hang out with you, if that's okay with you."

Emma gulped and a small smile spread on her face, nodding at Killian. "Okay."

Killian furrowed his eyebrows as he scoped Emma's figure, making her blush a deep red that would've rivaled the red of her skirt.

"Is that my brother's sweatshirt?" Killian asked with confusion laced in his tone and Emma told herself to calm down because he wasn't staring at her because of the short-ass skirt she was wearing.

"Uh yeah," Emma responded, placing her purse and phone back onto the sofa. "He said that we should be careful with paparazzi until we figure things out."

Killian smiled and chuckled, walking toward the couch. "Liam, ever the wise one." Killian held out his plate, where Emma could see (and began to drool over) his sandwich and curly fries. "Want to share?"

Emma gulped and chuckled under her breath, looking up at those blue eyes and her heart stuttered. "Honestly, if you let me have some of that, I would not be sharing."

Killian laughed and held the plate closer to her. "Then, here. I heard your stomach grumble when I walked in. I'll just eat some of the snacks I have in here."

Emma heart swelled at the simple gesture as she took the paper plate from Killian's hands. Killian walked around the couch to the small kitchenette behind them, looking through the cabinets.

"So, what do you usually do after you get off work?" Killian asked, snagging a big bag of peanut M&M's from the cabinet and hopped over the back of the couch, plopping beside Emma with a loud 'oof.' "I'm assuming you don't always wait for devilishly handsome men to show up at their trailers on set of their television show."

Emma snorted as she popped a curly fry into her mouth (and _ohmygod_ it was the best fry she'd ever had). "Only on Fridays."

Killian chuckled under his breath as he threw a handful of M&M's into his mouth. "But really though. What do you do in your free time?"

Emma sighed and relaxed back in the sofa, resituating herself to slightly angle toward Killian. "With the free time I do have, it's sleeping. I have work at five Thursday through Sundays and at my day job, I work doubles the other days of the week. So if I have time, I sleep."

Killian made a face and nodded. "That's a solid way to spend your free time. Usually, mine is sleeping, watching bloody awful soap operas, and eating my weight in chocolate."

Emma chuckled and raised her eyebrows at his bag of M&M's. "I can see."

"I have an awful sweet tooth, just so you know," Killian responded, popping another M&M into his mouth. "It's a good thing I have to actually work out and keep in decent shape for this show. Otherwise, I'd have a problem."

Emma ate a handful of fries and had to suppress a moan from escaping. _God_ she was just so hungry, but she didn't want to make things awkward between her and Killian by letting out a sexual sound when they haven't even _kissed_.

(Why is she thinking about kissing him?)

(Who was she kidding? _Of course_ she was thinking about kissing him.)

"What kind of meat is in the sandwich?" Emma asked around a mouthful of food.

"Brisket," Killian responded, staring at her with a look that Emma didn't know how to classify.

And well, that time, Emma didn't suppress the moan when she bit into the sandwich because _God she loved brisket_.

Killian raised his eyebrows as he chewed on his chocolate. "Enjoying yourself there, Swan?"

Emma nodded, licking the spare barbecue sauce from her lip. "Oh yes."

(Emma didn't notice at the slight darkening of Killian's eyes when she swiped her tongue across her upper lip.)

They sat in silence while Emma chowed down on the sandwich, which completely filled her appetite, and Killian continued to eat his M&M's. Soon, Emma's plate was empty, with only stray pieces of fries and barbecue sauce left on it, and she stood up to walk over to the trash can in the kitchenette she had noticed when she first walked in.

"Want a tour, love?" Killian asked from the couch, leaning his head on the back of the couch as he looked over at her.

"Sure," Emma responded and Killian hopped off of the couch, carrying his bag of chocolate with him.

Killian made a gesture with his arm as he twirled around in his spot beside Emma, leading Emma to laugh at his antics. "So, this is the main area. Little kitchenette with a mini fridge and microwave. Then big TV for my soap operas, as I've mentioned before." Killian led Emma down to the small hallway, shoving open a door on the right. "Bathroom. Nothing special there, really." Killian nudged open the door directly in front of him. "And here's the bedroom. The bed's actually quite comfortable. Handful of times, I've fallen asleep on it and nearly missed filming until someone came in to get me."

Emma followed Killian into the small bedroom, where the queen-sized bed nearly took up the entire space, minus a few things here and there. She looked in the left corner, closest to where she and Killian were standing, and nearly gasped.

"You have a guitar?" Emma asked, looking over her shoulder, where Killian was nodding. "Can I hold it?"

"Go ahead," Killian replied with a twinkle in his eyes.

Emma smiled widely as she grabbed the neck of the guitar, bringing it over to her arms as she exited the bedroom and found her spot back on the couch. She began strumming on the strings, the muscle memory coming back into work as she held the guitar. She missed the way the guitar sounded as she plucked the strings, or the way it just eased the stress of her everyday life.

"You play guitar?" Killian asked as he sat beside her on the couch, his knee gently brushing hers (and no, goose bumps did _not_ raise where he touched her.)

Emma nodded and looked over at him, where she was struck by his reverent stare. "Yeah. I used to have one, but I had to sell it one month for rent. And I used to have a keyboard, but I had to sell that the next month for rent. So, I haven't played a guitar or a piano in almost a year." Emma sighed and shrugged. "Just how life is." Emma gently nudged Killian's legs as she laughed. "Now scoot over. I don't wanna hit you with the neck."

Killian chuckled and scooted back down where he was originally sitting before his grand tour of the trailer. He waved a hand at her, telling her to continue strumming on the guitar. Emma rolled her eyes at him (stupid, idiotic, attractive man) and her fingers found the notes to "Simple Man" by Lynyrd Skynyrd. Emma noted the soft smile on Killian's lips as she began singing the lyrics (she swore that she'd make him smile like that as often as she could).

And her face began to flush when she heard his gentle voice join her singing. Emma glanced up at Killian, who was still sitting firmly on the opposite side of the couch. But _God_ it felt like he was right there beside her, the way her body felt on fire. She had known that he could sing (_of course he could fucking sing_), but it was so different hearing it right in front of her than listening to it on her old laptop.

(And no, his voice did _not_ do things to her.)

(God, who was she kidding?)

Emma plucked the last few notes of the song, looking away from Killian's intense eyes because she just couldn't handle staring at them anymore. It made her feel things that she hadn't felt since-

Don't even fucking think it.

"You never struck me as a classic rock type of girl," Killian said, raising an eyebrow.

Emma smirked 'cause she did get that a lot, looking back to Killian. "It drove my parents crazy, but I love me some rock music. Classic rock, alternative, hard rock, soft rock. You name it, I probably have it on my laptop."

(She wanted to correct it to 'adoptive' parents, but that would mean letting Killian in too much and she couldn't do that.)

(Not yet.)

Killian smiled back at her as he leaned forward, toward Emma and her heart did _not_ start pounding in her chest. "Just who are you, Swan?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Perhaps I would."

Emma felt her face blush deeply, but she couldn't fucking look away from those stupidly blue eyes (the ones that now haunted her every thought and her every dream). He opened his mouth to say something else, but all that came out was a loud yelp and Killian jumping from the couch, looking down at where he was sitting.

"What the hell was that?" Emma asked, furrowing her eyebrows.

Killian picked up Emma's cell phone and handed it to her. "It started vibrating underneath me. I must've sat on it."

Emma chuckled under her breath as she took the phone from Killian's hand, ignoring the way electricity flowed up her arm from the small contact of her fingers against his. "It's Elsa." Emma swiped the screen and held the phone to her ear. "Elsa?"

"Emma!" Elsa said in a panicked tone.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, what's wrong?" Emma asked, standing up from the couch as Killian furrowed his eyebrows worriedly, placing the guitar down where she was previously sitting.

"Olaf called off sick-some sort of stupid summer cold. I need you to play piano tonight," Elsa rushed out and Emma could imagine her pacing endlessly in her office.

"That's fine, Elsa. Just take a deep breath," Emma told her friend.

"I already called Anna in to take over your tables for tonight," Elsa said after taking several deep breaths, and she already sounded calmer. "I just need you to come in earlier than usual so we can figure out what you're comfortable playing for tonight."

"I'll be there as soon as I can," Emma responded. "Just keep taking deep breaths. It'll be alright."

Emma hung up the phone and realized that it was already nearing four. _Shit_, that nap must've been a lot longer than she originally thought.

"I gotta head out. Elsa needs me at work," Emma told Killian as she grabbed her small purse from the other end of the couch.

"I'll walk with you, so I can tell security to be expecting you on set every now and then," Killian responded, but he phrased the statement as a question, as if he was wondering if Emma would be visiting him against on set.

Emma nodded and couldn't hide the smile that spread on her face. "Okay."

And Emma's heart stuttered at how that boyish grin spread on Killian's face. Killian waved his arm in front of them, signaling for her to exit the trailer first. "Alright."

Emma stifled a giggle (_she was not a fucking twelve-year-old girl, dammit_) as she exited the trailer, into the muggy outdoors of late July. She wanted to groan as Killian began walking beside her (summer was her least favorite season, just ahead of winter). Emma pushed the sleeves of Liam's hoodie up her arms and sighed.

"Not the biggest fan of summer?" Killian asked, raising an eyebrow at her as he looked over at her.

"Not at all. I'm sure it's better in different places, but it's fucking miserable in New York," Emma grumbled as she hitched her purse higher on her shoulder.

"I agree with that," Killian responded as he looked back out to the busy set workers, running around to make sure the show filmed without a hitch. There was a short lull in the conversation before Killian looked back at Emma with a smile on his lips (which seemed to be ever-present whenever Emma was around). "We should probably exchange numbers so there aren't any more surprises. Although, I must say, it was _quite_ the pleasant surprise."

Emma elbowed Killian in the side as she took her phone out from the hoodie pocket and handed it over to Killian. "Use that line on all of the girls?"

"Oh Swan, you insult me," Killian replied, taking the phone from Emma's hand, as they continued walking. "Who do you think I am?"

"I've seen the tabloids. You're quite the ladies' man," Emma laughed out.

"Well, you seem to like it," Killian said as he held up Emma's phone, showing off her background.

_Holy fucking God, she needed to go hide in a hole and preferably die there._

Emma felt her face burn with blush from looking at her phone background, which was a decidedly _sexual_ picture of Killian Jones from his latest GQ shoot (which she had obviously made her background long before she realized that their lives were going to weave together like this). He was soaked, head to toe, in a white t-shirt and black jeans, leaving abso-fucking-lutely nothing to the imagination.

(Emma nearly had a heart attack when she first found the picture.)

(Actually, she thought she passed out for a short while after finding it.)

"My, Swan. You've gone red," Killian added, laughing under his breath as he brought the phone back to himself and tapped in his phone number.

Emma was _not_ going to talk about this. "Whatever. You seem to enjoy it anyways, knowing that men and women fawn over you left and right."

Killian laughed again. "Comes with the territory, love. Especially with how I made my mark in the pilot."

_Oh dammit_, why did he have to mention the pilot episode of _Never Landing_? That fucking episode had fueled her sex-filled dreams for _weeks_ after it premiered.

(But she was _not_ about to tell him that.)

Hell, even now Emma was having trouble concentrating after being reminded of the way he hit the punching bag in that thin tank top. Or the way he fought Rufio Rodriguez, sweat dripping down his body as Hook pinned him in the ring. Or when he came out of the showers with just a towel wrapped around his waist to talk to Tink…

"Here you go," Killian said, snapping Emma out of her thoughts (and wow she needed help), handing her phone back.

Emma looked down at the contact and scoffed at the name. "'Dashing rapscallion?' Honestly?"

"Would you prefer 'scoundrel?'" Killian asked, raising a dark eyebrow. Emma pursed her lips at him and he chuckled. "Well, we do need to keep a low profile. I thought it'd be a little suspect if you had my name in your phone, if anyone were to get ahold of it."

"Aye, aye, cap'n," Emma muttered under her breath as she put her phone in its rightful place in her purse.

"I'm not a captain," Killian replied, side-eyeing Emma as they neared the exit of the set.

"On the show, you were, before you left the Navy to come home and go legit as an MMA fighter," Emma corrected Killian, a smug smile on her face. "What, do I know your character better than you do?"

Killian barked out a laugh. "Wow, impressive."

"I can be pretty impressive," Emma responded.

"Yes, you are," Killian said under his breath, so quietly that Emma almost didn't hear him.

Emma didn't have the chance to question what he said, as they had reached the edge of the set. Killian quickly introduced her to a security guard (Anton, or something like that), saying that she was an "old friend" that'd be visiting frequently. After Anton snapped a quick picture of her, Killian sent her off in a cab, bidding her a happy farewell.

And she ignored the way her stomach twisted as the cabbie drove her away from the set, already missing those blue eyes.

* * *

><p>Killian grumbled as he collapsed on his bed in the trailer, dialing the familiar number into his cell phone. Today had been a pleasant surprise: seeing Emma when he hadn't been able to last night, listening to that bloody beautiful voice again, learning more about the complex woman life had chosen for him. He wasn't surprised to hear that his brother was the one behind all of this (the git could never stay out of Killian's business).<p>

"Surprise," Liam said as he answered the phone. Killian could practically hear that smile on his face.

"Why didn't you tell me that she was coming over?" Killian asked, staring up at the ceiling of the trailer.

"Well, once you got the text, you would've already been back in the trailer-because I know you don't bring your cell phone to filming-, which means that you would've already seen that Ms. Swan was waiting for you," Liam explained, as if it was completely obvious. "What, didn't appreciate the surprise?"

"Piss off," Killian mumbled as he rubbed his exhausted, sore eyes.

"Never," Liam replied. "And I'm not sorry. I know you felt like an utter arse for missing her last night, so I did you two a favor. A thank you would be nice, little brother."

"Younger brother," Killian corrected quickly. "And thank you."

"There. That wasn't so hard, was it?" Liam taunted Killian. "I gotta go. Jenny's taking a nap and Amelia is bound to wake up soon from hers. Still meeting us for lunch tomorrow at our place?"

"Yes," Killian responded. "I'll see you tomorrow. Give Jenny and Amelia a kiss for me."

"Of course. Bye, little brother."

Before Killian could correct his brother again, Liam ended the call. Killian rolled his eyes as he continued to stare at the ceiling. His heart was still pounding from seeing Emma (in that short skirt, no less) (_no, stop thinking about that_). She reminded him how to be happy, something he hadn't truly felt since-

_Stop._

Killian let out a deep breath and just as he was sitting back up to head back out to the living area, his phone buzzed. Killian furrowed his eyebrows as he swiped the screen, seeing the text was from an unknown number.

**Saving a song for you tonight, captain.**

Killian's heart fluttered (another old, _welcome_ feeling) and he chuckled. He'd try his hardest to be there that night.

(And if he arrived there at two in the morning, just as Emma was winding down "Arms" by Christina Perri, where she smiled directly at him, he'd attribute his heart racing to the way he ran to the lounge from down the street.)


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I'm trying to stick with the once-a-week update. I'm not too far in the next chapter I'm writing, but hopefully that'll be done before the next update. Enjoy :)**

* * *

><p>Killian was so goddamn <em>tired<em>.

He didn't get back to his place until nearing five in the bloody morning (spent all of his time talking with Emma, drinking hot cocoa at a 24-hour diner near the lounge, talking about nothing and everything all at the same time) and well now, he was paying for it. He should've been smarter about it, should've left much earlier than he had. But Killian couldn't deny the way Emma's eyes lit up whenever she laughed or smiled, or the way her face reddened whenever an embarrassing story came up.

God, Killian was already so _screwed_.

He ran his hand over his face as the hot water beat down his sore back (this job was bloody _killing_ him). Even though he was exhausted, Killian couldn't stop remembering the glint in Emma's eyes when she first spotted him in the lounge, or the way she tucked her hair behind her ear when she was nervous…bloody hell, Killian was fucked. He's known her for nearly a month and he was already falling-

Don't fucking finish that thought.

He didn't want to think about it. Killian knew it was a matter of time, but it was so _soon_. This was how it was with Milah-fell too quickly, and it destroyed him when things went sour. Not like things would go sour with Emma, of course; she was his soul mate.

But Killian still couldn't help but be hesitant.

Killian dropped his head against the dark gray tile of the shower walls and yelled at his mind to just _shut up_. He didn't get nearly enough sleep to deal with these thoughts. Hell, Killian didn't want to deal with these thoughts _period_. He didn't want to be reminded that everything he touched broke and he was bloody poison and he didn't deserve a soul mate or someone as perfect as Emma-

_Bloody shut up_, Killian yelled at himself again.

Killian shut off the water and stepped out onto the bathmat, grabbing his towel from the nearby hook and wrapping it tightly around his waist. He sighed as he entered his bedroom and saw that his phone was blinking, telling him that he had a notification. He grumbled as he walked over to his nightstand and gripped the phone, swiping the screen to see that he had a text from Liam.

**Hurry up, pretty boy. I'm bloody starving.**

Killian rolled his eyes and grumbled some more as he hurried over to his dresser, plucking out a pair of blue jeans and a dark red t-shirt. He shrugged on his signature leather jacket and slid his phone into his back pocket after turning the sound on so he didn't miss anything else from his bothersome brother. Within five minutes, Killian was down on the street just outside of his apartment building on the Upper West Side, hailing a cab, which slowly crept to the curb beside him.

A phone ringing interrupted Killian reaching for the cab. Killian groaned as he reached into his back pocket, taking out the chiming cell phone. He recognized the number as his publicist's and he praised God that she wasn't pissed about something because _man_ she was downright _demonic_ when she was angry.

"Jones," Killian muttered into the phone, taking deep breaths to calm his heart.

"Come down to the office," Regina Mills spoke over the phone. "Got something to talk to you about."

Killian sighed. "Alright. I'll be down there soon."

Killian waved at the driver, telling him that he didn't need the cab, as he began walking down the block, seeing as Regina Mill's office wasn't too far from his apartment building. As he began walking, he sent a text off to Liam, telling him that he'd be at Liam's place right after this meeting with Regina. Killian wasn't about to test her patience by making her wait until after lunch.

He knew he needed to be in at least a decent mood when he met with Mills-that woman could _smell_ fear, he swore. Killian focused on taking deep breaths as he walked to the office of Mills Communications. Killian tried to erase the thoughts of this morning by thinking of his career, his family, everything that has come to be ever since her passing.

(And if he thought about gold flaxen hair,

Or jade eyes,

Or the dent in her chin,

Well, that was his own business.)

When he walked up to the building, three blocks from his apartment, Killian already felt lighter, as though he didn't have a worry in the world. It was a wonder that just thinking of Emma already made Killian feel like a better man, like he wasn't terrified of the future that he would have with her. He had always thought having a soul mate would be simple, easy.

Turns out, it's the most complicated thing in the world.

Killian walked into the building, weaving through the crowded sidewalks and going into the just-as-crowded atrium. Killian sighed as he finally reached the elevators, squeezing into one of the cars just as the doors were sliding shut, pressing the button for the eighteenth floor. He ignored the curious stares of the two other people in the elevator car, even though he had seen both of these people several times in the building.

He guessed that being star struck was a constant thing that never really faded away.

The doors swung open at the eighteenth story and Killian stepped off of the elevator, leaving behind the kind-of-disconcerting stares. He waved politely at the woman at the front desk, a red-headed woman named Lena, as he walked past her, heading toward the rear office, where Regina Mills would be waiting for him.

He walked past the rushing employees and cluttered cubicles, reaching the large black door, behind which was Regina's office. He gently tapped on the door, but could hear Regina talking animatedly on the phone. So he slowly poked his head through the door, opening it a crack, and spotted Regina focusing on her computer and chatting away on the phone. She spotted Killian and waved him inside, pointing to one of the two chairs in front of her large oak desk. Killian closed the door behind him and sat in the deep black chair (which was ten times more comfortable than the bed he had at his first studio apartment), waiting for Regina to finish her call.

"Ugh," Regina sighed as she slammed the phone down on the receiver. "Some people are so _incompetent_."

Great, she was in a bad mood. Regina Mills was _hell_ in a bad mood.

Regina looked over at Killian as he relaxed in his chair. "Well don't get too comfortable. This won't be long."

"So, what is this about?" Killian asked as he straightened up in his chair, under Regina's intimidating gaze.

"Just saying that keep up whatever you're doing," Regina said and Killian furrowed his eyebrows in question. Regina sighed and pushed a stray hair back from her face. "Do I have to spell out everything for you? Your Twitter mentions have skyrocketed, your likes on your Facebook page have increased tenfold in the past three weeks, _and_ tons of articles are pegging _you_ for several new characters in movies. Whatever you're doing, keep doing it 'cause it's making me job a helluva lot easier."

Three weeks ago. Bloody hell, that was when he met Emma. He hadn't even really realized how much meeting her had changed _everything_.

"Well, except for that one hiccup three weeks ago with the paparazzi," Regina commented offhandedly and Killian's face reddened. "But you've made up for that. So, you can go now."

"Are you saying that you're proud of me, Ms. Mills?" Killian asked, a smirk spreading on his face because Regina Mills was a _very_ difficult person to please.

Regina pursed her lips at him. "Oh wipe that smug smirk off your face, Captain Guyliner. You can go."

"As you say, Ms. Mills," Killian said as he stood from the chair, running his hands over his jeans. "See you another time."

Regina was too busy picking up the phone for another call to bid Killian farewell. So, Killian headed out the way he came in, waving again at Lena as she sat behind the desk. He headed out of the building and stood by the edge of the sidewalk, hailing a cab, which quickly pulled to the curb for his fare.

Killian hopped into the backseat, telling Liam's address to the driver as he slid on the cracking leather seat. The car quickly pulled away from the curb once Killian closed the door, peeling onto the slowly filling streets of New York City. Killian grumbled under his breath and rubbed his tired eyes.

"Hey, I know you," The taxi driver spoke up, looking into the rearview mirror. "Hey! You're that guy! Aw crap, what is that show! Never something. Oh wait, _Never Landing_!"

Killian spread a smile on his face, no matter how fake it was. Mills would have his balls if he was rude to one of his fans. "That is me."

The driver began laughing, unable to believe that this was truly happening. "Holy shit, man! Killian Jones, right?"

"Aye," Killian responded as he relaxed in his seat, the car slowing to a stop at a light.

"Man, my son _loves _your show. It's like a freaking religion to him, you know," The driver continued, paying attention to the street, honking loudly at an idiot cab driver beside them that nearly sideswiped them. "Fuggin' idiot. Man, you got him wanting to do acting lessons. Thirteen years old and he already knows what he wants to do with his life, because of you."

Killian smiled again, genuinely this time. He did have a weakness for hearing about young fans. "It's an honor to hear that."

"I know I should be happy, right? 'Cause hell, it took me half my life to figure out what I wanted to do and by then, it was too late. I got stuck with this," The driver added, glancing back for just a moment at Killian, his tan skin glinting in the plastic between the driver's seat and the backseat. "I wanna give him everything, you know. But, man, acting classes are freaking expensive."

Killian looked around the backseat of the cab, spotting the very infamous GQ magazine (the very same one that contained his photos). How convenient.

(He did _not_ smile when remembering Emma's bright blush when he saw the background to her phone.)

"What's your son's name?" Killian asked, shuffling through his jacket's pockets, finally finding the sharpie he knew he kept in the chest pocket for run-ins like this.

"Dominic," The driver replied.

Killian scanned through the magazine, spotting the first full page picture of him (and he must say, he looked devilishly handsome) (even if that bloody blazer was far too tight and the jeans were a size too big) and tearing it out of the magazine. He quickly scribbled a note for Dominic and signed it with his flaring signature. Killian slid the partition open that small gap and handed the driver-whose name was Michael, if he could read the man's license correctly on the dashboard-the signed picture.

"Here. For your son," Killian told the man, who was clearly happy with the gesture.

"Thanks, man!" Michael said excitedly, speeding through a yellow light. "Dominic is gonna scream when he sees this."

"It's not a problem, mate," Killian responded, noticing the familiar apartment building coming up.

Killian pulled out his wallet from his back pocket and grabbed the things he needed to hand off to the driver. Once Michael pulled up to the curb, Killian handed him the things through the partition and placed his wallet back into his back pocket.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, man!" Michael exclaimed, looking back at Killian through the plastic barrier. "You gave me two hundred dollars for a thirty dollar ride!"

"Keep it," Killian said with a smile and a shrug. "Use it for the lad's acting lessons."

"And this?" Michael asked, holding up a small piece of paper, containing Killian's contact info.

Killian smiled. "If he ever wants to possibly guest on _Never Landing_, of course."

Killian could see that the man was clearly choked up at the gesture, but Killian knew it was for the best. He wanted Dominic to have a chance at this life because it had brought such happiness to Killian. Killian only wanted that for him, even if he didn't know Dominic.

"Have a good day, Michael," Killian said finally as he slid out of the backseat and stood up on the sidewalk, slamming the car door behind him.

As Killian walked into the apartment building and pressed the up button at the elevator, he thought about Michael the driver. Killian did sincerely hope that Michael contacted him for Dominic; he wanted the boy to have the chance to follow his dream. Everyone deserved at least a chance. And naturally, because his mind seemed to like to torture him, he was brought back to that day in Emma's apartment, looking at her terrified eyes, begging for a chance.

Wow, how things have changed.

Now, Killian only hoped he wouldn't fuck it up, like he fucked up that night all those years ago-

_Stop_.

Killian took a deep breath as the elevator doors swung open and he stepped onto them, pressing the button for the third floor. The doors closed slowly, hiding staring faces from the lobby since they all obviously recognized him. Killian wanted to smack himself; he should be happy for fuck's sake. Emma was letting him in, showing him her smile that she rarely smiled (the one he stores away in his memory for lonely nights where rum was his friend and he was haunted by bitter memories of Milah and happiness-) and how she laughed at any bad pun. That made him smile, thinking back to last night when he said a particularly horrid one (he can't remember what the pun was for the life of him, but he could remember that cheerful laugh and the way tears sprouted in her eyes).

He hoped he'd be enough for her. Be what she needed in her life. He wouldn't be able to handle it if he just became another person who let her down and made her build her walls even higher.

Killian shook his head as the elevator doors slid open and he walked down the hallway, finding the apartment near the end of the hall and just walking in, just as he had so many times before. He could smell the chili on the stove (Jenny's specialty) and his stomach growled loudly, alerting Jenny of his presence as she stood at the stove.

"Oh hey, Killian," Jenny spoke from the stove, looking back to the large pot on the burner. "Chili's almost done. Liam's in the nursery. Amelia was up at the ass-crack of dawn, so he's just making sure she gets back to sleep."

"If you don't mind, I'll go visit my little niece," Killian responded while tucking his hands into his jacket pockets.

Jenny smiled as she stirred the chili. "Can't blame you. She's too precious to pass up."

Killian shot Jenny a smile and walked toward the door further down in the apartment, about ten feet from the master bedroom and directly across from the main bathroom. His motorcycle boots clunked on the hardwood floors as he cracked the nursery door open, seeing his older brother standing over the little bassinet Amelia was laying in. Liam looked over his shoulder and held a finger over his mouth, telling Killian to be quiet as he approached the crib.

"She finally went to sleep," Liam said and Killian could hear the exhaustion in his voice.

At least Killian wasn't alone in that department.

Killian peeked over Liam's shoulder and saw his little baby niece sleeping soundly, her little fists closed tightly and her chest rising and falling with her breathing. Her brown hair was sticking out in wild directions, which nearly made Killian laugh. But he was pretty damn sure that Liam would murder him if he woke up Amelia.

"Already a hellion? Must be taking after me," Killian teased his brother and Liam knocked his shoulder back into Killian's shoulder.

"Piss off," Liam grumbled as he looked back to his younger brother. "Come on, the chili must be ready by now."

Liam clasped his hand on Killian's shoulder as the brothers walked back out of the nursery, heading back toward the kitchen where the chili was indeed finished. Jenny began ladling the chili into each of the three bowls, handing them off to Killian and Liam as they reached her spot by the stove. Liam accepted his with a kiss on Jenny's cheek and Killian felt a flare of jealousy because he wanted to be able to experience that familiarity with Emma.

"So, how was hanging out with Emma yesterday?" Liam asked as he sat at his usual seat at the table, at the head, closest to the kitchen.

"Fun," Killian replied, sitting on the side closest to the wall, accidentally scraping the chair against the wall as he moved the chair to sit. "Didn't do much 'cause she had to leave early."

"Why?" Liam asked, mixing the chili with his spoon.

"Work," Killian responded quickly, pinching shredded cheese from the bowl in front of him and drizzling it over the chili.

"So what did you guys do?" Jenny asked as she took her seat across from Killian, immediately shoveling a bite of chili into her mouth (immune to heat, the bloody dragon).

Killian shrugged as he scooped a spoonful of chili and blew on it gently. "Nothing really. Sat around, ate, I let her play my guitar."

"And that's all?" Liam asked, raising an eyebrow (the go-to Jones move).

Killian knew that tone of Liam's voice and he sighed. "Bloody hell, Liam. We didn't shag."

"Yet," Liam added on, snickering into his bowl of chili.

Killian rolled his eyes and ate another spoonful of his chili. "Piss off."

"What's stopping you?" Jenny asked, her bowl already half way eaten. Killian sighed and Jenny quickly added on, "I mean, I agree that you shouldn't be having sex already. But, something's definitely stopping you. I can see it in your eyes. What's going on?"

Damn Jenny and her observant mind.

Killian pinched the bridge of his nose and took a deep breath. He was _not_ in the mood to talk about his thoughts about the soul mate thing. But he knew Jenny well enough to know that she wouldn't drop it until she got her answer.

"Nothing's stopping me, alright? I'm just exhausted. I didn't get home until nearly five this morning because I hung out with Emma after I was done filming," Killian replied and hoped that Jenny didn't catch the lie.

"And you _didn't_ shag? I didn't raise you properly, little brother," Liam commented and Jenny smacked his arm, spilling his spoonful of chili back into the bowl. "Hey!"

"Drop the sex talk, Liam," Jenny scolded her husband, which made Killian chuckle as he ate some of his chili. Jenny looked back over to Killian, her fiery red hair falling out of her high ponytail. "You aren't getting out of this. What's going on?"

"Nothing."

"Killian."

Killian dropped his spoon in his bowl and _dammit fine_. "I'm waiting to fuck up something, alright?"

"What?" Liam and Jenny asked at the exact same time (so married).

Killian ran his hands through his hair, his nails raking his scalp in annoyance. "I always fuck up something, so I'm waiting for it to happen and everything I touch breaks and-"

"Killian, _stop_," Liam spoke up, but Killian did not look up to see his brother's clenched jaw and flaming eyes. "Where the hell is all of this coming from? For the past three weeks, since this all began, you were excited about finally having this. And now you're freaking out. Freaking out with reasons that make zero sense. So what the hell is going on?"

"Nothing is going on," Killian grumbled out as he neared the bottom of the bowl.

"You're falling in love with her," Jenny realized, with wide eyes and her jaw slack.

"It hasn't even been a month, Jenny. That's be insane," Killian responded back, even if Jenny hit it right on the head.

"And _that's_ why you're freaking out. Because it's so soon. Because that's how it was with-"

"Milah," Killian finished Jenny's sentence and looked up at his brother and his wife.

"You know that wasn't your fault, Killian," Liam stated, the same thing he always said whenever Milah came up in conversation.

"Even if you keep saying that, it doesn't change the fact that it _was_," Killian replied to his brother, his jaw clenched as he fought the pain that was always associated with thinking about Milah. "I want this, but I don't want to fuck this up. I _cannot_ fuck this up because if it does, it would ruin Emma. I want this, but the voice in the back of my mind keeps reminding me that I can't have anything nice and perfect and that this is all gonna go to hell because I'm bloody poison."

"Killian, I could _throttle _you right now," Liam grunted out, rubbing his tired eyes.

"Why? Because I'm telling the truth?"

"Because you are being bloody idiotic!" Liam responded, raising his voice an octave. Jenny placed her hand on Liam's arm and Liam took a deep breath. "It _was not your fault_. Life just happened and that's all there is to it. You won't fuck it up because you will not let yourself fuck it up. I know you well enough to know that you have wanted this more than anything, ever since you were little, and that you will not let this go poorly. And it already sounds to me that you are falling in love with her because you are putting her in front of yourself already."

Liam picked up his now empty bowl of chili and Jenny's scraped-clean bowl and the chair legs scraped against the hardwood floors as he stood up from the table. "I'm not dealing with your self-loathing shit again, Killian. It was an accident-you need to see that. If you don't get past that, then you _are_ gonna ruin this. I don't wanna be the bad guy, but you need to understand that. You know Milah would've wanted you to have this. Don't disgrace her memory by shooting yourself in the foot."

Killian sighed as Liam walked over to the kitchen sink, spinning his spoon in the chili that was nearly gone. He knew Liam was right (he always was), but it didn't tame his wild thoughts. That voice kept screaming at him, telling Killian that he was going to mess everything up and that nothing good could ever stay-

"I don't want to side with Liam because of how harsh that all was, but he's right, Killian," Jenny spoke up, tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear. "If you let go of your past, it'll work out."

_Oh bloody hell_.

"I can't let go because it's all my fault. No matter what either of you say, I _know_ it was my fault. Imagine having someone's death on your hands? Someone that you _loved_, that you would've _died for_! I know it's been two bloody years, but that doesn't change the fact that Milah is dead because of _me_," Killian ranted, standing up from his chair and wrenching a hand through his hair. "I don't want to hear all of this optimistic bull shit. Sorry, but I don't. Yes, I've always wanted this and yes, I was excited about this. But now, I'm panicking because it's bound to go awry because something always goes wrong. So excuse me for-"

"Killian, you cannot think like that! If you think like that, then it will go wrong and you'll have no one to blame!" Liam replied, his eyes flaming and Killian was _not_ going to deal with this.

"I'm heading out," Killian told his brother and Jenny as he walked over to the kitchen sink, carrying his empty bowl. "Thank you for the delicious food, Jenny. It was a pleasure."

"Always," Jenny replied from the table, clearly wanting to continue this conversation.

"Killian, just please, remember what we said," Liam said as Killian washed his dish out in the sink. "I know it's been hard on you since Milah passed, but please, you know she'd want this for you. Don't let that hinder you."

Killian sighed and looked over to his brother as he dried off his hands on his pants. "Just-give me time, Liam."

He kept his head down as he hailed a cab and stated his address, wanting to avoid recognition for now. Even though just the mere thought of Emma had brightened his day, the stupid conversation from earlier was slowly creeping back into his thoughts. He was afraid-_so afraid_-of mucking things up and it would kill him if he did. He knew that if he screwed everything up, Emma wouldn't be able to move past it. Emma would shut herself in to never allow anybody in ever again. And it had already been a challenge to get her to even allow Killian in.

No, he wouldn't fuck things up because Emma deserved better than that.

That woman deserved better.

He didn't know what had gone on in her life (even during their long nights together, they've both avoided the topics of their pasts) but Killian knew he would do anything in his power to make sure that Emma never had to go through more pain in her life. Liam was right: Killian was falling in love with her. It hadn't even been a month since their lives changed, but Killian knew it. Killian never did anything half-assed, which included falling in love. His single wish, though, was that he wasn't so goddamn _afraid_ of falling so quickly.

The call from that night echoed in his mind.

Killian mentally shook his head as he fished his keys out of his back pocket, reaching his apartment door. _God_, he already needed a bloody drink but it wasn't even two in the afternoon yet. But he decided for just today, he would allow himself to drink this early (something he hadn't done since Milah's untimely death).

"There you are!" Graham called from the couch and Killian cursed himself for not remembering that he gave him a key to the apartment. "I was wondering when you'd be back."

Killian sighed and rubbed his tired eyes, shutting the door behind him and walking toward the steps that led into the living room. "I thought you'd be gone by now."

Graham shook his head, looking back to the large TV (where he was watching rugby) and sipping on the bottle of Guinness in his hand. "Nope. The exterminator's still there. Bloody bed bugs."

Killian sighed as he wrenched off his leather jacket, tossing it over the back of the couch. "Alright."

"Want a beer?" Graham asked, holding another bottle toward Killian. Killian took it without a word and walked around the couch, sitting beside his best friend. Graham furrowed his eyebrows in question. "Rough day already?"

Killian sighed and ran his hand through his hair. "You have no bloody idea."

"Wanna talk about it?" Graham asked and Killian had never been so thankful that his co-star understood Killian's reluctance to talk about his problems.

Killian wanted to. Long nights filming the show led to their close friendship and Killian rarely hid anything from Graham. But he still hadn't told him about Emma and the whole soul mate situation. And with how his thoughts were poisonous and his worries were killing him…Killian couldn't burden them on someone who didn't already know.

He didn't have the energy to explain it all.

"I'm good," Killian responded.

Graham sighed and resituated in his seat. "Well, since you won't talk about it, I'm gonna assume it's a girl."

Killian grumbled and sipped more of his beer.

Graham chuckled. "Okay, got that right. So, I think you should grow a set and ask her on a date. I know how you are and how you have always been, so I think that would be good for you. It'll help you figure out what you want or need and maybe it'll help her out."

Dammit, even without telling Graham a single thing, he knew exactly what to say.

Maybe Graham was right. Maybe asking Emma on a date, whatever that would entail, would help calm his thoughts about being a pathetic human being and that everything he touched broke and that he was lower than shit-

Killian sighed. "Alright. I'll ask her on a date."

Graham smiled and clasped Killian's shoulder. "Good. Now, let's watch guys kick each other's asses."

* * *

><p>He didn't know what he was doing. Killian laid in bed, staring at the ceiling with his cell phone in his hand, <em>staring<em> at his messages. He hadn't texted her since the day he gave Emma his number and he just kept reading it over and over again: "Saving a song for you tonight, captain." He'd been doing this ever since Graham left at ten at night, at least a half hour ago. Killian wanted to text her, to ask her on a date, but he was still nervous. He knew he should follow Graham's advice (since Graham and Liam had something in common: they were always right) but there was still that niggling voice in the back of Killian's mind saying that he's going to fuck everything up, that he should just give up before he gives himself the chance to ruin everything-

Killian silenced the voice in his head by just _finally_ typing out the message.

_What are you doing on Wednesday night?_

It took another minute for Killian to gather the courage to send the text, but he ultimately did it. God, when did he turn into a nervous wreck over a woman? Before Emma, he could confidently chat up any woman whenever he wanted to, using his charm and good looks to his advantage. But with Emma…God, she's changed everything for him.

He fell asleep waiting for a response, remembering that it was indeed Saturday night and that Emma would be working right now. But his phone chimed and Killian jerked awake, rubbing his tired eyes as he looked over at his alarm clock. 12:04 was the time as he reached for his phone and swiped the screen to read the message.

**Working until eight. Why?**

Killian gulped because here was his chance. He couldn't back out of this. He needed to do this. It was the proper thing anyways: asking your soul mate on a date to get to know each other. That's how it was with every other woman he'd ever talked to before and after Milah (except after Milah, it wasn't about dating-it was about fucking to try to forget the pain of losing her). And Emma was infinitely more important than all of those other woman. So, Killian _needed_ to suck it up and just do it.

_I was wondering if you would like to come over to my place and have dinner with me._

Killian threw his phone across the room so he wouldn't just stare at it, waiting for Emma's response. He can almost imagine her eyes lighting up at each text and her perfect lips quirking into that rare smile that Killian already loved.

(Who was he kidding? He could imagine those things perfectly.)

He heard his phone chime from across the room, by the door to his master bathroom. Killian took deep breaths to calm the butterflies in his stomach as he stood from his bed and walked over to the corner of the room, where his phone was lying face down on the floor. He groaned as he picked the phone up from the hardwood floor and swiped the screen to see the message.

**As in a date?**

Killian chuckled as he typed a message back.

_Yes, as in a date. Don't sound so surprised, Swan. So what will it be?_


End file.
